QuestionQUESTION: I ask my bf did he ever go strip club, he said 5 times because of depress and curiosity. One last time he pay to touch their breast. Curiosity is acceptable excuse, but not for 5 times, should be 1 or 2, right? Why depress want to go strip club? He really want to get away depression or just want to see more naked girls? When I depress, I don't want to go male strip club. He said he is faithful guy, because he is single when he went.
From his past, I try to found out what personality he is. If a guy willing to pay to touch one's breast, he will not mind to touch one who offer for free, right? In the future, if there is a girl come to him offer her body for free, he will accept. Moreover, it shows he believe money can buy woman body, he don't respect woman body. In the future marriage, after fight, he may go found other woman. Is my assumption right?
I am a girl without family, both parent die. I want a man who will never leave me. Do you think he is too risky to marry?
Moreover, there is another sad things.
I love him when I first saw him. After 2 dinners dating, we plan a movie night in his home. I didn't expect he will kiss me and have sex with me. It is too early in relationship. But I love him and things go smoothly, so I didn't refuse. We have great time. He is very caring and gentle, I told myself he is the one, I don't mind marry him and have his baby because he caught my heart. He also promise he will be with me forever. He said it very sincerely, I believe.
2 months later, I was shock to found out the first day we have sex, he wake up and promise to meet up a girl at 7pm. Then tell me he have conference call on 7pm, will be busy that night. Besides that day, they been going out at lease once a week, every time he told he went out with co-worker. Actually she is a music student. My bf love music, he said she need a ride and need help set up drum. He just be friendly but don't want me worry. He said every one will lie to protect the one they love. Is it true? When he lie, he was so clam, sincere, gentle, patience and caring. I didn't get any hint at all. I trust him all this time while he is lying.
I tell him I really hurt cause I never thought he will lie, especially since the first day we have sex. He said he lie because he love me that he don't want me jealous. He said they are just friend. He lie for 2 months until I found out and confront him. He didn't tell me the true himself.
The lie break my heart completely, I break him up and don't return his calls anymore. Then he fly over East Coast buy me 100 rose, propose me in a very expensive and romantic way, and promise he will not do it again. It is very touching.
But I totally loss trust. Do you think I can regain my trust? Do you think he will change? People said personality and believe don't change. From his strip club event, I assume he accept the concept money can buy woman body. That concept guy will be good husband?
I looking for a husband who will never leave me. Will he be the one?
Thanks.
Confuse woman
ANSWER: Dear Wing,
It sounds as if your boyfriend was testing you to see how you would react to these situations. You did the right thing by breaking up with him and showing that you respect yourself enough to not be a part of his life. He may have told you about the strip clubs to see how you would react. Some men will say these kinds of things to get a reaction and find out if the woman will still be there for him. The woman needs to show their boundaries and let their mate know what and what not they will put up with. Make sure you let him know that you are reconsidering the relationship because of what he has done in the past. Make it hard for him, so that if you do get married he will always remember what not to do or he will lose you. Wait at least 6 months to a year before you commit to get married to make sure he will not play around. Some men can do these things at first and then learn their boundaries from their mate and will never do them again once they are set straight. Give him time to set himself straight; if he can not, then leave since it most likely will be a waste of time for your future. If he can set himself straight, then you will know it is because he loves you so much that he does not want to jeopardize your relationship. Most people can change once they become married, but most likely it is because the woman they love has morals and values that have to be incorporated in the marriage or they will fear the loss of their wife and this is a good trait in a man that you would prefer to marry.
Good luck and write back if you need!
Kiya
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: He promise he will not lie anymore. He regret he almost loss me because of his lie. He said he lie because he afraid I will jealous (I don't accept that excuse). He said it is common that guy try to hide things to protect the one he love. Is it true?
Now he seriously talk about want to have our own baby this year and move to a new house to have our family and promise will never leave me. He tell me because I am very pure and innocent in heart, he never be so happy in his life. He will not make any mistake to risk loss me anymore. All the words sound so true, I am confuse again. I believe. But I afraid.
He said single guy go strip club while they are single is normal. Pay money to touch breast is normal, as far as they will not do such thing while they are in relationship. He said he will never do it while he have his woman. Should I use his past to evaluate his moral standard?
He said even I do anything wrong in the past or future, he will totally forgvie me because his love is unconditionally for me.
It make me want to forgive his past, but is it too risk?
AnswerDear Wing,
I do believe that men can change. He may have been coaxed or went due to friends. Yes, you should use his past to determine his moral standards, but you should not hold it against him. Everyone makes mistakes and if he proves to you that he will be loyal to you then he may be very worthy of marriage. It will take time to build up the trust, so give it 6 months to a year before you plan to proceed to become engaged. Do not get married or have children until you are absolutely 100% sure that his ethics has changed. There is no hurry and you will have plenty of time to be married, but it is important that you know he is right for you before you do. If he is a good man, he will wait as long as you want him to. Yes, you should forgive him, but do not forget and do not bring it up. Let him show you that his past is behind him and that he will make you happy. All you need is time so that trust is built and no doubt is in your mind. You will know it is right when you are not afraid and you know 100% that you want to be with him forever.
Kiya
