Navigating Separation and Potential Divorce: A Guide to Emotional Well-being

Question
Hey, My husband left 5 weeks ago stating I didnt know how to treat him like a man.  He has his own apartment and all and we rarely speak.  When I try to pour my heart out to him and explain that things will be better he states he thinks we should get a divorce and move on.  This was all a surprise that I cry OFTEN!  Also, we continue to have sex every week he has been gone but yesterday he explain to me that we are not having sex anymore because its not fair to him nor me because he don't like the emotional attachment it has.  How can someone be so heartless??  But when I ignore him, (meaning don't call or text). He will call me and sound sooo sad.  I don't know what to do??  He has forwarded his mail and moved all of his things out of the house.  I don't know if he has someone else or not but I just want my marriage back.  He has not gone to file yet which has me confused.  Help!

Answer
My guess would be that there is somoene else, otherwise I doubt he would have rushed to  be "on his own." But these things create a turbulent time and I'm sure he has a lot of mental anxiety, wondering what is the best route to take. His phone calls are likely his attempt to see if you are looking for someone else as well or if he is still #1. So during this time of indecison on his part is your time to try to get him back if you want, it is definitely a time in which both you and the other woman have a chance to prove which way is the easiest and best. How to do that is the question. He is enjoying the best of both worlds at the minute with sex with you and her as well, every man's dream I guess. He will try to ride that situation as long as possible, thus the not filing, once he does, sex with you is likely to shut off. So I don't know how to tell you to play it, if you withhold sex, I think she'll win. But her clock is ticking as well and she'll slowly pressure him to be with her full time. The only way you'll get him back is if he decides for some reason you are the best option. How to do that will be against what you really want to do, just be nice, be supportive, be someone to come home to, in essence be screwed over by him, and hope she either looses hope or moves on for some other reason. The down side is that even if he were to come back, the "call of the wild" will likely suggest he'll do the same thing again with someone else. Once the sense of committment is lost in a marriage, there isn't much left. And as a women you know that there is a ton of women out there that will do anything to catch a man, especially one with wandering eyes. So do what is comfortable for you, if he comes back fine, if not, you are not loosing too much.

Bill