Navigating Separation and Reconciliation: A Guide to Difficult Decisions

Question
I have been married for 9 yrs. with a son we had before marriage which is why i felt i needed to marry him even though he made me cry on our wedding night and a daughter we had a few yrs. after we married. I left him a few months back and did not do it properly and recently got back together after court battles. I did not want to get back together but did because i ran out of money for a lawyer. I definitely have deceived my husband by going back with him. I absolutely know i need to leave i feel intimidated by him because of past control issues and i know him to be irrational at times. I have very limited access to money and don't know what the proper steps are to leaving him in order for the court to not penalize me for leaving the area where we own our house and our children have grown up and go to school, my sister has a very small vacant house that i can rent for not a lot of money but she lives 3 hours away. Any ideas on what to do and how to actually leave without having to confront my husband, because he would react in probably a way that might take away my car and possessions?

Answer
Hi Lucy~

You just need to tell him that you're leaving him and that you're filing for a divorce.  He can't deny you your car or possessions, clothes, etc.  In the divorce you're entitled to 50% of everything that you incurred together in the marriage.  You can pick up and leave with your children and your personal possessions and he can't stop you.  If he does, then you can call the police and ask for assistance in leaving the property with your clothes, children and the car.  Your husband can't stop you, period.  You can move the 3 hours away if need be, due to housing issues.  He can't stop you from moving away either.  The only thing that would prevent this from happening would be if there was a court order issued.  Until then you can go and do as you please.  The court won't penalize you for leaving the area.  All you have to do is explain to the court that you had no other place to go by this house that your sister has to offer you.  So you took it.  So that shouldn't be an issue at all.  If at all possible you should consider leaving when he's not around, such as while he's at work, you can move your stuff and the children's stuff out, etc.  This way he doesn't have time to confront you if he doesn't know what you're plans are.