QuestionI've been married going on 9 years. this is my 2nd and my wife's 1st. my previous marriage ended due to her being unfaithful. so i know i feel insecure because of that. my current wife had her wild days before we met(several relationships,partners,etc). she was engaged on once before we met and he basically dumped her. 3 weeks ago he found her on myspace which my wife and i share an account on. the first thing he did was apologize about doing her the way he did. now in their latest message back and forth he asks"how's you husband treating you?" she responds
"we argue but it's not like it was when we were together. we never argued at all. give me a call so we can catch up" i asked her and she says it was sweet of him to apologize to her and that they're just friend. am i overreacting here? my wife has admitted to cheating on somebody once but it was 2 years before we met. what should i do? i don't want to make a bid deal out of this, but i just feel uneasy about this. thank you for you help.
AnswerHi Russ~
No, I don't think you're overreacting at all. You've been cheated on in the past and it's obviously hurtful and painful when someone cheats on you. You've just got your guard up and you're concerned about this message he sent her (and how she responded), and rightfully so. You need to be leery of this whole issue. So while it was nice and thoughtful that he finally apologized to her, it's still inappropriate for him to ask her how you're treating her. Frankly that's just none of his business. You've made your wife aware of your concerns, that's about all you can do. Just keep an eye out for changes in her behavior, normal routine, schedules, etc. And ask her not to chat and meet with him. It sounds like she has some unresolved issues when it came to their break up. But she really needs to put it behind her and she doesn't need to remain in contact with this ex-love. If she does then you're only asking for problems and more heartache for her down the road. That's something you want to avoid.
I think you need to sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. She needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Perhaps you can both come up with a compromise to this situation and work it out. If she truly loves and respects you then she'll understand where you're coming from.
Always remember to trust your gut instincts, that's why they are there to tell you when something's not quite right. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
