Dealing with a Difficult Ex: Co-Parenting and Divorce Challenges

Question
I need help please. I have been in this relationship on/off for a few years. I have a infant with this man. I currently am postponing setting a date to marry him till I finish school.  The problem is his ex. He has kid w/ her and his divorce has went on forever b/cuz of the child custody. He tried several times to divorce but finally the last time he's done this he is the petitioner so he can keep the ball rolling and file a motion should she try to stall this time. But For the past couple of years she is on a bitter vegence he moved on. Yelling & screaming during exchanges, calling him over or into the house where she can corner him, making him a target at work with her demands for child support causing to his eventual layoff, till telling her children to be mean to my oldest. I am frustrated and at times wanna run. She calls the cops on us over false pretenses but somehow always ends up playing the victim role. He's always reprimanded for being a deadbeat dad or a cheater and told "the family that prays together stays together. I Feel like crap.I can't sit there & tell every single person "I came after the seperation" or I'm His Family Now. She even calls his chain of command to find stuff out claiming to be the Mrs. and is given important imformation and uses it to her advantage. I can't live like this forever. Scared everytime the doorbell rings or I see a certain area code pop up on the call i.d at work or hiding my vehicle two blocks away. I am at my witts end.Pls help me before I compleately give up... I just want to be happy

Answer
Hi Frustrated GF~

She's probably extremely jealous of you and that he's now moved on to make a life with you and your infant child.  Some ppl just don't know how to let go of things.  So instead she's trying to make your life and his as miserable as she can.  He has to be the one to do something about this.  If she calls and harasses him at work, home, follows him/you places (whatever the case may be), there are things that you can both do about this.  Record her doing all this as evidence she's harassing you both.  Then you can go to the police and get a restraining order against her.  And the next time she harasses either one of you you can have her arrested.  

So while you can't control how the ex-wife acts, you do control how you react to her (and to others).  And she can't make you feel inferior w/o your permission.  It's time that you take back that control from her.  However, you're BF has to the one that sets all of this in motion.  He needs to put her in her place and decide once and for all he's sick and tired of her doing this to you and his family and he has to be determined to put an end to it.  There have to be boundaries for her and consequences for her when she crosses those lines.  You also have to make it crystal clear what you want and expect from your BF.  And you also have to be prepared to back up what you threaten and say you're going to do.  Such as: tell him if he doesn't do something about this ridiculous and harassing behavior you will.  That you can't keep putting up with this nonsense any longer.  And you'll do whatever it takes to ensure that it does stop, if that means it takes you finally leaving him, then by gosh that's exactly what you're going to have to do.  That you can not sit idly by one second longer and continue to be put through all this hell.  In fact you refuse to put up with it period.  You have to say what you mean and mean what you say, otherwise, he's not going to take you seriously and at your word.  Something has to be done about this or it'll only continue to get that much worse over time.  Do NOT, I repeat do NOT marry this man.  That would be a serious mistake, when he can't even take care of this problem.  She will cause more problems for you and then it would take a huge toll on your marriage, that would likely end up in a divorce.  You don't want that with all that you've already been through.  You don't deserve to treated like this, and you certainly do not have to put up with this form of treatment either.  The choice is yours.  Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one that's for sure.