Understanding Jealousy: Past Infidelities and Relationship Healing

Question
me and my wife love each other a lot we are married 6 years and i just found out that before when she was a teenagers she fooled around with 2 guys just hugs kissing and feeling each other up I feel very angry about this as if she did it when we were married i can not seem to accept this i ma not sure why ? can you please help me understand myself

thanks


Answer
Hi Oscar~

It seems as though your jealous b/c of this.  And really why should you be.  What your wife did when she was younger is in her past.  The past is the past and it can't be changed.  How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot.  I mean how would it make you feel if she were the jealous one and was angry if you were involved with other women prior to your marriage (and you didn't even know her).  Perhaps you just love her so much that you can't bear imagining her with anyone other than you.  And you're insecure and this is why you feel this way.  Please don't think I'm judging you or disrespecting you by saying this, b/c I'm not.  It's not my place to judge you or anyone else.  Rather I'm just trying to get you to see the bigger picture here and how your wife might be affecting your wife (if she knows how you feel about this).  

My point is you shouldn't feel this way.  She's with you now and obviously she loves you very much and wants to be with only you.  Otherwise she wouldn't be with you.  Besides life is too short to sweat the small and insignificant things in life.  Especially things that are beyond our control (like ones past actions).  I don't know that I really helped you understand why you feel this way, but at least I tried to give you some insight.  I hope I answered your question well enough to help you see why you might be doing this.  If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.