Navigating Long-Distance Relationships: A First-Year Anniversary Challenge

Question
   My wife and I have been married a year and a half now. She is from Brasil and I am American. She had two brothers, their wives, and a nephew here as well. We actually lived with Her brother and wife with the kid. They are all wonderful people and we actually got along well. They all, entire family, moved back recently. My wife went with them and is to stay a total of two months. Before she left i didn't like her being so long. I thought it was a bad idea to stay apart so long. Also im 26 and she is 21. Not really a big deal there as she is probably more mature than i. But she has been down there partying and almost like when a animal is put back in the wild. She has decided that she doesn't want to come back. I will be left with some debts and heartbreak.She realizes her responsibility and has said she will come back for me because she does care but she doesn't want to. I know shes scared and it will be difficult for her but i love her and i am willing to go down there with her to stay. But its not so easy, there are things we have to do first. I feel like she is going to call me the day before shes supposed to come back and say she isn't coming. Also i have been here because our lease is up less than a month after she gets back. How can i prepare myself for either scenario? And maintain my composer?

Answer
Hi Ray,

Thanks for writing. I really feel for you. Your question is a tough one a you ARE in a risky situation and uncertain situation that is out of your control .. if I were you I would focus on my own happiness and do what I could to be supportive of my wife, knowing that she and the relationship are not a sure thing. As I said, you can't really control what she does, so deal with things when they happen, if they happen. Worrying about what MIGHT happen is a waste of time ... so do the best you can with what you have at the moment. If you do get hurt, I wouldn't suppress the heartbreak. It is healthy to feel what it is you are feeling, to learn from your mistakes, and to grow from each experience. I wish I could reassure you, but it sounds like your future is unknown at the moment -- how about embracing that rather than fearing it.

Good luck to you my friend.

Doctor Becky