QuestionMy boyfriend and I have been together for about two years, and are both sure that we are the ones that we want to marry in the future. We've had several talks about marriage, and agree completely on what we expect and when we should. We both wear promise rings and have told our parents, friends ect. that we are the ones we want to be with and have no doubts. Our realtionship is very strong and we've overcome many many obstacles (living almost an hour a part, parents and siblings trying to break us up, disrespect issues, small forms of abuse and so on), and everything is basically 'smooth sailing' at this point. I mean there's still a few small problems, but they're not a big deal. We recently found an apartment in which he moved in first for about a month by himself because he needed some space to grow and mature (he'll be 21 in August) before we took our relationship to this next level. As of today we've lived together for about a month, and things are pretty good. The only thing worrying me is that I keep hearing and reading that couples who live together before marriage have a higher risk of divorcing if they are to even get married at all. I have confessed my worries over this to him, and his doesn't think anything of it: He just shakes his head and laughs and says nothing's going to change his mind about me being the one he wants to marry. Should I still worry? Are there any things I can do to strengthen the relationship to ensure that we don't fall a part? Is there a difference between a couple who lives together with the intention of eventually marrying in a few years, and a couple who is unsure that their partner is the one they want to marry? Thank you for your time.
AnswerHello Joanna,
What you have read is correct.Especially if the couple live together more then a year before marrying.
You mention "couple who is unsure that their partner is the one they want to marry?" Are you beginning to have doubts?Or is he?
If the two of you go to church together, that will help strengthen your relationship.Discussing issues with your minister instead of relatives and friends will keep them from interfering,which happens quite a bit.
Also what type of disrespect and abuse are you talking about?
I am worried because the first thing he did when you got the apartment is kept it to himself.You said "we" found the apartment,why did he need to use it a month before letting you move in?One month would not be enough time for anyone to grow and mature.
I think you should take it slow.There seems to be several underlying issues here that need to be explored before going any farther with this relationship.
You obviously feel this in some way which is good.Stay aware and don't make excuses for any type of verbal or physical abuse.Abuse is abuse,plain and simple.
You are young and have many years ahead of you.Don't rush into anything.
Rita
