QuestionI have a question regarding having another child. I have a wonderful marriage, I love my husband very much and I know that he feels the same way. We have had a disagreements but have always found a happy medium, away that we both could be happy. That was until now, we have 2 children, our youngest is going to be 4, I want to have 1 more child, I have always wanted 3 children, since I was little, I love being a mother, and I feel like I need one more child. I love my family and am very happy with them but just want another child, I am 26 and am not ready to say that I will never have another baby, I do not want to wait much longer because I do not want them to be spaced out in age to much, I have a sister that is 8 years younger and she thinks that I am an old maid, my husband is going to be 37 and says that he thinks that he is to old, and says that he just does not feel like he wants another child, he is happy the way are family is. We usually do not fight but this we do, we do not know how to agree on this or what to do, I do not want to resent him but I am afraid if I give in I will. How do you fix a problem like this? It is a life decision either way. When we dated he know how I felt and he was ok with it but time has changed his mind, I am personally offended, he think that it is silly and that it has nothing to do with me and that I am a great mom but I cant help the way that I feel. What should I do?
AnswerTiffany - a marriage is the ultimate relationship of unselfishness. It is a case of doing whatever it takes to see that your spouse is happy and fulfilled - in spite of what you may want.
In this case, I wish I was speaking to your husband. It is apparent that having three children is critical to your feelings of life fulfillment. He should be supporting you and working towards whatever is necessary to have your life fulfilled. It is selflessness.
Sit down with him and talk in a very reasoned, calm, and loving manner. Do not use emotion.
Simply tell him how much your family, starting with him, means to you. Tell him how great life is with him and the only thing that could possibly make life better is to fulfill your lifelong wish of having three children.
Don't ask for a full and complete committment at this point - work on baby steps. In other words, get him to at least the point at which he will at least think about it.
Continue these conversations over about a two week period. The goal, and what I have seen happen many times, is that he will begin to envision what life will be like with three children. The moment he does that, you have a done deal.
If he completely shuts down, back off for a few days. Continue this pattern and 95% I have seen it work. Just get him to think about it and consider how important it is to you.
Good luck and God bless,
David
