QuestionWhen I cleaned home, I found an old receipt of $68000 Tiffany ring. I asked husband why he bought such nice ring in past. He said he use it propose his ex, who he don't love. She have bad temper and always ask him knee down and pull ear to apologize, force him add her name in all his accounts and force him give her his apartment key. She want to marry him and set a deadline, said if he don't propose within a month, she will broke up with him. He said he sure he don't love her, but feel guilty that he waste her 4.5 years youth (24 - 28.5). At the end he plan to give up his future and marry her, so he bought such nice ring try to earn her back. I don't believe a guy will buy such nice ring out of guilty. I think he love her more than me. I don't want devote my life to someone treat me secondary. I want to be the one my husband love most. My heart is broken.
He is the one know he willing to spend $68000 to propose his ex, why when the time he propose me, he never think about want to give me the best on special propose day, something better than what he give to his ex. With me, he is promoted and make more money than before. Why he willing to treat her so special out of guilty, but not me? I am sad, because I don't understand why he don't think I worth more than his ex? Why he don't love her and willing to spend more on her? Why he said he love me the most, but not willing to spend the same ring for me? He told me upon all his ex, I am the most good temper, good looking, most successful and highest education. He said if he know both me and his ex at the same time, no doubt he will pick me. But why on propose day, he willing spend more on her, not me?
I want to break up with him. I don't want to be my husband's secondary. Can't accept the fact that the most expensive ring my husband bought is not for me, is for his ex.
I feel very sad and cry almost every night now.
My husband said he already explain to me, I should understand he propose me out of love, propose her out of gulity. I don't know how many woman in the world can understand that and not feel sad. He said I should put it as past and never bring it up again.
So I didn't bring it up anymore, don't want to anger him anymore. But every night whenever I thought about it, I still cry, still feel very painful in my heart.
I can't let go. How can I let go?
I feel hurt, betray and worthless.
The ring on propose day means a lot to me, and it means a lot to me who is the woman my husband love most. If I am not the one, I want break up. Am I too silly?
If you think I should stay in the marriage, help me how can I let go? I can't, every night still cry.
AnswerHi Angel,
I read your note and couldn't believe what I was reading. I'll not spend too much time on this, but I will make it very clear what my thoughts are on this one.
You have a husband who loves you and has shown this by marrying you. I'm sure he provides and takes care of whatever it is he needs to so that you both can be happy together.
So, you are telling me that because you found a ring, this marriage, this love and this future is now any different? Has your husband changed?
Has he done anything to make you wonder about his love?
This is a problem that you have created in your mind, and you are wrong!
This is something that is in his past, and has no bearing whatsoever on you or your current marriage. It is quite clear to me that you are acting very silly. You are creating a problem where there is none.
The very fact that you are even contemplating breaking up with him because you feel that you deserve a bigger ring or a more expensive ring than a former girlfriend of ex-lover is a sign that you have not really understood what love is about.
You have a lot to learn about what is important and what isn't. I suggest that you look around you and see what you have before you throw it away on something as trivial as what you are talking about.
I am amazed that you would even feel at all insulted or bad or insecure. Ask yourself this...........who is he married to? You, isn't it? So, I find it very difficult to understand your problem, unless your values are more closely tied to a dollar amount than to the amount of love and commitment that a man can offer you.
If you continue to not understand what you are doing here, you will lose your husband and I think that would be a big mistake.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, but sometimes we need to be shaken up a bit to see things for what they are.
It is not your place to question his past actions or feelings. Those are his and his only. If he wishes to share them consider yourself honored that he will allow you to share his past. He hid nothing, he told you what the score was, and you simply have a totally wrong attitude towards this issue.
A ring, whatever its value, will NEVER EVER replace the commitment a man makes when he marries someone. It is irrelevant, unless your value system is very very shallow.
I hope this helps you to see the truth. Now go find your husband, and tell him that you love him, and that you understand that she may have gotten a ring had he married her, but in the end, he married you. And that is worth more than any ring. Wake up, girl!
hope this helps,
Don.
