Question"My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We got married young, I was 19 and he was 22. We have an 18month old son together. My husband is in a funk. He got hurt at work in Dec and was home for a month and a half. He says this is when he started to have these feelings. He says hes not sure if he wants to be married to me anymore. He has anixety issues and does not like to be alone. Hes worried that he is staying with me because he dosent want to be alone. He says he loves me and is in love with me, but he is still having these doubts. I have asked him if either him or I should leave for a few days or a week and he dosent want to do that either. I am so confused. He just dosent know what he wants anymore. He is also unhappy with his job and extremly stressed out and wants me to go back to work. I am currently a stay at home mom. I think he may resent me for being home with our son while he is at work and miserable. He says he needs to find himself. Where does that leave me? WOuld marriage counsling be a good idea? I want to keep my family together, espesically since we still love each other. What should I do ?"
AnswerHi Meagan - Thank you for writing.
Counseling is definitely in order. Given what you have shared with me, it sounds as though individual counseling for your husband may be the most effective first response here.
He seems to be dealing with self-esteem issues which are not unusual given his circumstance. There is a lot more going on in his head than yours and those need to be addressed before marital counseling is going to be effective.
Saying that he needs to "find himself" is the oldest line in the book when someone is confused about their life and looking for an excuse to do something destructive.
So, please get him counseling first and then follow the advice of that counselor as to when it will be time to move into marital counseling.
Good luck Meagan, God bless you.
David
