QuestionHello:
Im sending you note in hopes that you can help me,i feel that im at my wites end. i have been married to my husband for 3 yrs we have been together for five. before we got married,i caught him cheating on me twice,he also let the mother of his child sleep in the bed with him, when his daughter spent the night.they where never married,he stated that nothing happend Ok at the time we lived in seperate homes.so we got married any how al dueing this time i have to make my own way Eg. make sure i pay for my own, car p.g.e phone, food, gas owe rent is 875 and he wants me to pay for hafe of this.
last yr we filed together and had to pay 3000. to the fed and in stead of talking to me about it he wnt to his granma and got soom of his inhaetance and paid it off oh by the way i must tell you last yr i neede a car i went to get one i was about to sign wene i got a call from him telling me he got me a car for my b-day. great i thought no i had to pay his grand mother back 6,000. doller which i still owe 2,000 his grand ma holds the title until i pay for it in full, i feel i dint want the kind of prasent but i got stuck paying it back be cuase the had already got it and had it parked in he garadge.also he has a account with his mom at costco. so they can go shopping together he is on her account.dont you think it could have got one with me.
also one more thing we moved into our home 2 yrs ago and i have been un able to get my clothes out of the storage due to he has the only key when i ask him for it and to help me get this done he gets mad or says some other time.HELPHELP
AnswerDear Jodi,
By reading your letter, it seems as if the respect is missing from your marriage. In order to have a strong and successful marriage, there must be mutual respect for one another. One of the best ways to incorporate respect into a marriage, is to do whatever you can do to increase the respect that you have for yourself. He needs to begin doing things to increase his self respect, such as, learning new things and then using this knowledge to better himself, his belongings and his livelihood. This is something that you can do as well. Also, another way to increase your self respect is to start doing what appeals to you in other people that you respect yourself. You may even want to write this down. You can both write down who you respect and what certain quality that you respect in them. Then, once you have a list of qualities or reasons, try them on for yourself. Everybody's list will be different since we all respect others for different reasons and we all see people in different ways. As far as what you wrote to me in your letter, it looks as though you do not communicate with one another by talking to each other before you make a big purchase. The disputes seem to be mostly about money, so you should probably step up and start planning a budget. Demand that you both sit down and write down how much you bring in and what needs to be paid. I'm not quite sure why you both pay the bills separately. When you get married, you must combine everything or there will be problems down the road. I know that you are upset because things are not combined. Why is he not wanting this between the two of you? Is he worried that you will split apart and take everything or is he worried that you are going to spend it all? If he has no reason to worry about you, then he needs to see a marriage specialist and it would be wise if you were there with him so that you could ask some questions. Did he come from a broken home? Is his parents divorced and if they are, did one of them take everything from the other? As far as the cheating goes, I know it is so difficult to trust after these things occur. I am guessing you knew these things before you married him? If so, then you must let it go and unless it happens again now, just try to forget. I know that it is hard to do. What really concerns me, is the storage unit. It seems as though he is hiding something since he gets defensive when you ask for the key. If you have your belongings in there, then I would get that key and get your stuff as quickly as possible. One way to gain respect for your self and gain respect from others, is to not let anyone control you and your actions. You are an individual. You control your own actions and your own destiny. No other person can make you do anything. You can achieve anything-if you put your mind to it.
Take care and good luck!
Kiya
