QuestionHi...
Please bare with me this is long but i want you to know all so you can understand and help me...So I have been with this woman for almost 2 1/2 years and its kind of complicated but I am American and she is Korean. Her family was not open to accept me as an american and that gave us a lot of stress but recently they had opened up a lot more. She always cared about money and security but still i never felt she would ever leave me and had always came back no matter what we fought about..so, we were living together in Korea when I had some job problems and had to leave the country. Rather than be apart for a long time we decided to marry so she could get a visa and be with me in america. We wanted to marry eventually anyway even if this was a little soon... so when i got back she emailed me many times saying how come you dont call me or meet me as often as we used to and we have a saying about guys in korea once they marry they dont care the girl anymore because feel like they have her already... so i reassured her and told her its just that i trust her more now... she also said she cant bare to be apart from me and loves me so much and nobody but me can comfort her and give her power...she said she cant wait to be in my arms and when she lives everyday she feels like she wants to lose herself but when she thinks of me she gets a little power to go on.... sounds deep huh?
So shortly after that email communication stopped and i couldnt contact her. her mother and friends lied to me and told me she was in a traffic accident and her phone broke...this didnt make sense because she would be able to email me or get someone to contact me... so i flew to korea to find out the truth...
when i arrived there i found all that was lies and she was just trying to hide working at a hostess bar late night to earn extra money because i guess when i left it was hard finiancialy on her too. so i thought that was the only thing and started to feel better....but something was still wrong. I found the bar she worked at and went there to confront her... i found out she had started dating and liking another man the manager of that bar... and she had got drunk while working and even slept at his house....
my question is how can someone say all the sweet deep words she did then pull a 360 and tell me she doesnt love me and feels like hes better for her? then when i came home to america she sent me an email saying she cried all night and cant forget my face and is so sorry and wants to come and be with me and please call her as soon as i can... so i tried to call and again no communication for over a week.... then she sends me an email saying lets just divorce and she cant trust my love for her or something....is this a head trip? since then she told me she stopped working at that bar and just needs time to arrange and think... but she only emails me during weekday afternoons which makes me believe shes busy nights and weekends doing bad things.... her latest email says she will send pictures so i can apply for a spousal visa so she can come here....but stil never answers my calls and only emails weekday afternoons and claims she needs time....
I cant eat sleep or even function now.... everythig reminds me of her and its driving me crazy i need her so badly..... and after that guy found out im her husband he still wants to be with her and likes her how could that be after knowing each other just a few weeks? and how could she trust a guy like that? I dont want to get a divorce so young in my life im only 23 now... and afgter just a few months....i was just on top of the world and her emails were so deep how could this happen just suddenly? Do you think my sudden leaving korea made her parents feel like i proved them right and i failed? how could she ever possibly like or sleep with another man after those emails she sent and marrying me? please help me.....
-Steve
AnswerHi Steven~
It doesn't sound like she missed you very much, to find comfort in another man. It sounds like she was pulling one over on you. Some ppl just aren't marriage material. She could be one of those ppl. She wanted you to believe that she loved you very much, couldn't live w/o you, etc. And that's how she got you back to Korea. Then you discovered how she was really living after you left. Now you are hurt b/c of what she did. Which is totally understandable, and any person would feel guilty for not being with their spouse very long after getting married, etc. But it's not your fault that she chose to work at a bar, and fall in love with and perhaps even sleep or have sex with the bar manager. It was her doing, her choice that she made herself. You shouldn't beat yourself up over it.
Sure, everyone wants to make their marriage work and not get a divorce (if having problems, a spouse cheats, etc). It's not an easy thing to have to go through. But you have to do what you have to do, given the circumstances you are in here. Maybe it would be better if you just filed for an anullment and divorced her, and moved on with your life. If you can't trust your own wife, then who can you trust? You certainly don't trust her around any men, for fear that she'd cheat again. Totally normal way to feel too. You've got to do something, instead of sitting around moping and feeling bad about it. Fix it and move on.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
