QuestionWe are married from 5 years and have a 2 years old boy. Its all going good except my husbands very very very short temper. Its just like a sudden bomb blast. I sometimes didn't realized what happened and he has already stated shouting on me.
He gets angry on any dam simple thing, and the whole situation gets worse. Any official problem, cricket match, anything he is not liking, then he starts shouting on me, and says all bad words and things. I feels very sad and sometimes whats to kill my self, but because of my son, I am just living my life. Everyday, something happens and he gets angry.
He is very much patient with outsiders. People say that he is too much sweet person, very much patient and caring. But why he is not like this with me.
After 5 years, now I am tired and cannot argue with him anyone. I cannot argue with him, he is too much rude. Sometime, he says sorry but very next moment he is angry again. He wants me not to complain anything and except whatever he is behaving. I am tired and very much sad, but he don't want me to look sad, even if he is shouting on me, he wants me not to cry and smile and handle the situation. I do this, but I am human, and have feelings, how can I smile always when mu heart is crying.
I don't know, how much more I can handle. He have very less time for us, because of his job and the time he spends with us, he shouts.
Please help me. I need someone to talk to. I have no one here and feels very alone now.
AnswerHi Anna~
He has an anger management problem. He's being irrational by expecting you to smile and take all the abuse that he's giving you. And, yes, he's verbally abusing you by calling you names, and emotionally abusing you by taking his anger out on you. Your son will grow up to treat you and other women this way (meaning in the way his father treats you), so if you find this acceptable and want your son to grow up this way and disrespect you and women, then continue to live like this. It will only get that much worse as time goes on and your son grows and learns it's okay to treat you and women in this manner. If you're not okay with being disrespected (and it sounds like you're not), then you need to do something about it once and for all, and remove yourself and your son from this destructive and abusive marriage.
It's never okay for someone to abuse you, and abuse comes in many forms, not just physical, but mental, emotional and verbal. Verbal tends to do the most damage to a person, it can destroy someones self-esteem, their self-worth and also their spirit. To where they think lowly of themselves and that they aren't worth being treated with love, kindness and respect. It's not your fault that he can't control his outburst and his emotional response to things that upset him. That's something he has to learn to cope and deal with, and if he can't do it on his own, then he should seek some professional help to get his anger under control. He's already proven that in certain situations he's capable of controlling it. So why not do it when he's with and around you at home. It's too easy and convenient for him to lash out at you. That's not okay and you should feel that you have to take the brunt of this abuse.
Something has to give here, you need to make some tough decision for yourself and your son. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
