Navigating Intimacy & Connection in Early Marriage: A Guide for Couples

Question
HI,
I am concerned about my husband. We are a young couple only in our twentys. I love my husband, I'm pretty sure he loves me but he might have an "extrodinary" way of showing it. My husband and i were both virgins when we got married. (yea, i know!)lol I had no idea what sex was like or neither did he. Well im thinking since he is in his twenties he is suppose super sexually active now. My DH is not passionate in bed. He never initiates sexs. I DO. Or if he does randomly(by tickling my nipple), its all about him recieving and when i ask for something i want done, he simply ignores me. I talk to him about my feelings. I ask if there is anythin i can do to help. he says, its him. he is not romantic at all! He used to be head over heals for me and kissed the ground i stepped on (literaly) but now  its become monotonous. I'm going crazy, is it me? is it him. is he secretly gay. or regrets he got married and didn't enjoy more being single. i was his first everything.KISS, love sex partner. maybe its that.

Answer
Hello my dear Giselle,

I am really sorry you are having relationship issues in your young marriage. This is supposed to be a time of passion and exploring, NOT ignoring! And I am sure that your husband, as young as he is, is not comfortable discussing what is actually going on. Without that, you guys are going to have a really difficult time solving the issue.

Any number of things could be going on with him, from the things you mentioned to childhood sexual molestation, something harmless you said, his own feelings of inferiority, ignorance, religious views, and on and on. I would believe him when he says it is him, not you. But I would also be very gentle and tell him that this is unacceptable, it is SERIOUS, and must be dealt with. If he still resists, then I would predict that your marriage will not last, and he needs to know this.

You would really benefit from professional help to help you to communicate about this sensitive issue. I doubt it can be done alone.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

Doctor Becky