QuestionQUESTION: i found on my phone bill while i was out of town on business that my husband called another woman which i am sure he met on the internet in the sex chat lines,it really upsets me and he says there is nothing to it.i just don't believe a married man has any business in the sex chat lines or calling another woman. i also found where he sent a e-mail to a female half his age.i am seriously thinking of leaving him,this isn't the first time we have had problems and he is always promising to change and then here we go again.any advise????
ANSWER: Hi Maureen~
You need to give him an ultimatum. He either stops this and seeks individual counseling for this problem (talking to other women on sex lines, etc) or you're going to leave him and for good. His actions and behaviors are simply unacceptable and they are inappropriate for a married man to do.
You have to make a decision and stick with it. Otherwise, he'll continue to do this outrageous behavior. Especially when you put up with it and do nothing about it. Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one.
A good indicator of future behavior is past behavior. It's likely he'll continue to do this anyway. Something needs to be done about this and soon.
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QUESTION: do you consider this cheating?we have had that issue in the past also,we were seperated for 1 1/2 years because he cheated,he made promises to me and i finally went back with him,he doesn't think this is cheating because he isn't physically with someone.in my opinion he hasn't lived up to his promises,he says i look for him to do things wrong,i guess i do but i really don't trust him and i think every time he does something like this it kills a little more of the love i have felt for him.it feels good just to be able to say that.we live in the middle of no where and i really have no one to talk to.i moved 600 miles away from my family and friends when we got back together. thank you
ANSWER: Hi Maureen~
Yes, I would consider that a form of cheating. It called emotional infidelity. You don't have to be physical with someone in order to be unfaithful, if a person is involved with someone emotionally, it's cheating in my opinion.
You still have issues from the first time this has happened, that's why you don't fully trust him. And rightfully so, he's giving you even more reason to distrust him by talking on sex chat lines. If he had any ounce of respect for you, as his wife, he wouldn't be doing this to begin with.
A person can only take so much of something before they break. The question here for you is when is your breaking point? How much more of this are you willing to take? You now need to start making some decisions on what you really want to do next. The important thing is to listen to your heart and do what's right for you, and what makes you happy.
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QUESTION: it is nice to know that i haven't lost my perception of things and i think if the shoe were on his foot he would feel the same as i do.you have helped me tremendously,i have known in my heart the answers for a long time but to see them on paper makes them real.i know i shouldn't be nosy and check on him but i have allowed him to make me react that way.i just need the courage to take the first step.any suggestions?? i know i sound like a blubbering female but i really am not i am in most cases pretty strong i just feel as if i have made so many poor choices in life that i feel stuck sometimes.you said that he doesn't respect me as a wife i believe that is true but i also believe he has no respect for himself so how can he give something he doesn't have.someone once told me you can tell alot about a man by the way he treats his mother,well guess what-he isn't very nice to her.i think he has a sex problem,not making excuses for him.is there hope for someone like this,i don't even know if i care to know the answer because i am at my breaking point.thanks for your feedback and i hope i am not driving you crazy,these are things i have needed to talk about for a while and have had no one to talk to.the only person i even know up here is my mother in law and i wouldn't want someone to talk to me about one of my sons!!!!
AnswerHi Maureen~
The first steps are the hardest to take in making a decision about what to do (such as ending a marriage, etc). But once you do it, it tends to get easier over time. You have to realize that you can't go on putting up with this behavior from him. And only you can make the decision to leave and move on with your life.
You have to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what's in your best interest at heart. Whatever decision you ultimately make isn't going to be an easy one, that's a given.
