QuestionMy boyfriend and I rarely watch reality TV but the other day we were at the home of a mutual friend who does watch reality programs. My car had an engine problem and we ended up having to stay overnight at this person's house. Anyway, there was a marathon on TV of this reality show where two wives switch families with each other for 2 weeks. I think the show was called wife swap. The premise from what I could gather was to take two families that are polar opposites, that in real life would never have anything to do with each other and then the sparks fly.
We watched quite a few episodes of this show in one night and every family that I related to in terms of raising children and running a household, he thought was wrong. I didn't say anything but I was just interested in his negative comments concerning the families that I thought were closer to ideal and his supportive comments of families I felt were way off the mark.
We have been dating for 14 months and want to get married and have kids but I'm not sure after this if he is the right guy. He told me that it would be silly to get worried about his reaction to a reality show. Is it silly? Even though every family that I liked on the program my boyfriend thought was wrong.
I want to be on the same page with my future husband when raising a family. I always thought my boyfriend and I were on the same page until this happened.
I don't want to date for fun, I want a husband. I don't know if I should be looking for someone new. I don't know if I am overreacting or not.
AnswerHi Becky,
Thanks for writing. I have seen Wife Swap and it is fascinating how they take two families that are polar opposites and put them in each other's home. I like the show because each family usually comes a little more toward the center after being exposed to the other family's perspective. In other words, they change, and change for the better.
So you ask is it silly that you have noticed differences that you and your boyfriend have after watching that show? Absolutely not. I always say, it doesn't matter where you get wisdom or insight into a situation so long as you get the wisdom and insight, and you did! It sounds like this was really meaningful to you, and meaningful in that it was a red flag. I urge my clients not to ignore red flags.
If I were you, I would sit down and discuss these differences with your boyfriend. He may be highly flexible, which is a good thing and correlated to a happy future relationship. If he is rigid and unbending in his views, this is correlated to unhappy relationships. I guess rigid is fine if you find a partner who is equally so, but if not ... it'll be a long, long, lifetime together.
Sounds like Wife Swap gave you the perfect opening for conversation. It is through this conversation that I think you find your answers.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
Doctor Becky
