QuestionI've been married to my husband for a month now, and things have been great so far... until now. We've got a three-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son.
However, recently my husband's changed. He's began ranting about everything and anything, and doesn't even spend time with the kids.
We were at a friend's 20th birthday party, and he spoilt it by ranting about everything, that it embarrassed me so much I had to leave.
Another time, we went shopping to the local Tesco and he ranted about everything by the time we were at the checkout. I felt really upset and apologised to the assistant saying "Ignore my husband, he's just not feeling well!"
No matter where we are, or what we're doing, he rants about it eventually and I feel really upset and embarrassed.
I tried asking him why he feels he has to rant so much, but I just get met with a load more ranting.
He's not physically abusive, or insulting/controlling, and he was lovely when we met. (He still is lovely btw). He was also very romantic too, which he isn't any more now.
He isn't taking any drugs, so that explanation can be ruled out, and he isn't a big drinker - so that can be ruled out too.
He's even ignored our kids to spend time upstairs ranting in his room, about everything.
What should I do about his ranting?? I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I tried talking to my mum and dad about it, but they just didn't get it.
I don't really know where to turn, so what do I do next?? How do I deal with it??
please help me, Laura
AnswerHi Laura~
A person changes after they get married, don't ask me why that happens, but it's so true! It can be for the better or worse, depends totally on the person and how exactly marriage changes them. Maybe he's upset about something and you just don't know what's bothering him. You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly and I mean exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. When you talk to him do it in a loving, caring and concerned manner. If you confront him in a rage, upset or angry, he'll end up clamming up, becoming defensive and will likely refuse to talk to you about anything. Explain to him that you're very concerned about his complaining all the time, and you want to help him and to support him the best you can. But that you get so frustrated due to all his complaining and not talking to you about anything. You want to help him but he has to let you in. Communication is key in any happy, healthy and successful marriage. Complaining just brings everyone down and it upsetting, frustrating, etc.
Tell him you're tired of hearing the complaining, and you can't keep living like this any longer. It's taking too much of a toll on you, and you're at your breaking point. As for him ranting at the moment ignore him and don't feed into his tyraids and rantings. Go into another room, get away from him and let him get it out of his system. Something has got to give though or it's going to end up ruining the marriage that's a given. Give him an ultimatum that he gets help and some kind of counseling for himself, and maybe the marriage if necessary, or you're going to be forced to do a trial separation. Your kids are going to think it's normal to live like this and be raised this way, and clearly it's not. Whatever decision you make isn't going to be easy. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make. I hope this helps you some.
