QuestionLast week our daughter (she's 25, with a 4-year-old son, and her husband's 26) came down to see us, brought her son down to see us and we had a nice meal, and had fun watching DVD's and socialising. Her husband didn't come because he was away on a business trip at the time.
However, it was my daughter's revelation that shocked me.
She admitted to me that she'd been having an affair with her husband's father since May 2007 [my daughter got married in March 2007], and that recently (the past 6 weeks) they'd been trying for a baby together, to produce "a brother or sister for her 4-year-old son".
Me and my husband feel disgusted by this. How could she behave like this towards her own husband? We're livid just thinking about it.
We realize that obviously there's very little we, as parents, can do to stop this, especially now she's no longer living with us.
Isn't this a massive betrayal towards her husband? We think so.
We tried to talk to her about this, but she wouldn't listen to us, and accused us of being "catty, spiteful and venomous", and said she can go off with who she wants.
She also told us "DON'T TELL MY HUSBAND, it's none of your f***in business!"
She can't though, she's married and has responsibilities, and a child.
I'm stressed out, and so is my husband, we just can't figure out a way to resolve this situation.
How are we to resolve this situation without getting stressed?
I thought counseling would work, then decided against it.
Any advice on dealing with this would really help me and my husband; this is a really tough situation that is proving impossible to solve.
Jennifer
AnswerHi Jennifer~
She made it your business when she invited you into the conversation to begin with. You're right you can't make her stop having the affair with this man. What you can do though is give her an ultimatum; that she tell her husband and face the consequences of what outcome this affair will likely cause, which is her husband (if he's smart) would file for a divorce and move on with his life w/o her in it. Even though it'd be a tough thing for him to do, not to mention how shocked and betrayed that his wife and dad did this to him. You are right to be outraged and angry with her actions. OR that you will tell him yourself. She made it your business when she willingly divulged this info to you. So, you'd be doing the right thing by telling her husband and then the choice can be up to him as to what he's going to do about this situation involving her, his father , the marriage, etc. You aren't going to ruin her marriage, she's probably already done that. And he has a right to know what she's doing. After all if she'll do this with her father-in-law, what's to say she won't do this with someone else if she wants to. It's just not right, and it's unfair for her to put you and your husband in the middle of her mess. If she didn't want you to tell him or know, then she should've kept her mouth shut from the beginning.
Get this off of your chest and come clean with it since you know about it. Then the rest will be up to them to decide what to do and where to go from there. She can be mad at you and curse you out all she wants, that's not going to change the fact that she's cheating on her husband with his father, and on top of that they are trying for a baby. That's very disturbing if you ask me. It's a shame that you have to deal with this and she brought you into a mess that you didn't need to be involved in. Deal with it and move on with your life, if that means she's mad at you and refuses to talk to you for a while, then so be it, that's her doing not yours.
