QuestionI came home from work one night and found my husband and 17-year-old son with a group of five other guys sitting in the garden in just their underwear (black Y-fronts) with a fire blazing, and an effigy of what appeared to be George Clooney.
I asked them what they were doing, and they said they were members of "The Cult of Briefsism", a religion which states that you can only wear briefs, no other clothing. My husband then mouthed off at me about being suspended from work for being a follower of this "religion". He told me the "God of Briefs" is a lookalike of George Clooney.
My son was also suspended from college, pending investigation, over being a member of this "cult".
I asked them to explain to me what "briefsism" is and they claim it's a cult which has no negative issues, it's healthy and fun, and that it's a male bonding thing. My husband then told me that women cannot join the cult - if a woman joins she is cast out.
I am highly embarrassed by their behaviour - and to be honest, when I told my sister, she felt so embarrassed to be associated with having him as a brother-in-law.
I don't know how to deal with this - if I spoke to a counsellor, wouldn't this be embarrassing?
Katherine in Michigan
AnswerHi Katherine~
Wow! I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. This certainly isn't a typical question/problem I've ever dealt with before. It's definitely a first and a unique one at that. I would have a hard time taking him and this cult seriously to perfectly honest. I mean how does one go around in nothing but underwear year round, as this can cause quite a few problems for him, such as going out in public, going places, people taking him seriously, and w/o someone thinking he has a serious mental issue, not mention it would really get old after a while. And it's going to make it a little hard to adapt and do things out in the real world too. I can totally understand you being confused and not really knowing how to cope and deal with these odd circumstances, and thus being very embarrassed by his actions (and that of your son too).
It seems that he's just seeking out attention from whomever will give it to him. That and maybe he's even going through a mid-life crisis. You have to decide what you're going to do about all of this and if you're ready, willing and prepared to put up with frankly his nonsense and ridiculous antics. You need to sit down with him and attempt to have a serious heart to heart talk with him and ask him why he's really doing this. That you simply can't be expected to live this way and keep tolerating this from him and your son. If he keeps this persona up and refuses to give up this cult, it's going to be very hard on you and almost impossible for you to take him and this marriage seriously. One can't live with a very immature and irrational person and stay in a happy, healthy, fulfilling and sane environment, you just can't given this crazy behavior he's pulling. Maybe if you ignore him he'll soon lose interest in this "cult." Again if he keeps this up and seems to be serious with it, then you'll have to reevaluate this relationship and marriage and determine what you're willing and unwilling to put up with. If that means you have to do a trial separation and move on with your life then so be it. He might have something wrong with him that is way beyond anything you can help him with. You can't be expected to keep living this way, you just can't.
I would strong urge you to seek some counseling for yourself so that you can learn to cope and deal with this somehow. Keep in mind that you might find it hard or impossible for a professional to take this seriously and not think that your husband has something very wrong with him mentally, emotionally wrong with him. The point here is that no matter what you need to have some support in this and have somewhere to turn that you can go, and have someone to talk to, vent to, ask advice from, etc. Yes, it would be embarrassing and it is kind of funny in a way, that's why I said I'd find it pretty hard to take him seriously (even though he truly may be very serious and mean what he says) and to really know what to make of this whole situation. Bottom line is the choice is yours and it's one that only you can make, please do not feel you have to support, condone or settle for this treatment and behavior from him b/c you certainly do NOT, as he's being very rude and condescending and disrespectful to you, that can't be tolerated and accepted in any way, shape or form, period. Whatever decision you ultimately make isn't going to be an easy one that's for sure. I hope this helps you some. Remember this isn't about him anymore, it's suddenly about you and your sanity and what you can and can't put up with in this marriage.
