QuestionMy husband walked out 9mths ago.Saying he didnt love me.
He has maintianed limited contact with our 2 children (seeing them every 2nd wend and calling them), however also entered a relationship with another women shortly after he left.
He has broken up with her on 2 or 3 occassions saying to me that he is taking time out to work on himself and decide what he really wants.
He keeps dangling the carrot to me saying things like "he wants his family back and that he is not ready to give up yet."
However whilst I am going to counselling on a weekly basis I dont see him doing much other than throwing himself into work (upto 65hrs/wk).
He keeps telling my friends and family that I need to be doing work on myself and making him and the children a priorty and the most important thing in our life.
What he dosent see is that I have and am doing this. My kids are sometimes the only reason I keep going on.
I have tried to in the past 9mths reach out to him and he may for a short time be the man that I fell in love with 15yrs ago and then he backs right off and I dont hear from him for weeks at a time.
I'm not sure weather I should ask him one last time if he is ready to start working on "us".
I also want to know if he has cut all ties / communication with the other women... Do I have this right?
I have spoken with his mother (whom Im still close with) and she says that he is still trying to find his way that she dosent think that he knows what he wants.
What she and he don't understand is that I have for 9mths been dealing with this not buring my head in the sand or soemone elses lap!
I have come to the point where I don't feel that i can move forward any further unless I know where I / we stand.
I love him more than anything and want to try to make it work but I know that I cant do it alone!
Please Help my head and heart tell me 2 differnt things
AnswerHi Leigh,
Greetings to you down in Australia -- all the way from San Antonio, Texas.
I am sorry that you are in this frustrating and sad marital situation. Your husband sure has taken advantage of the stockpile of goodwill he has with you ... the question is, how much patience do you still have?
Well, if I were you, I would not take one more minute of his indecisive baloney. I would put my foot down and tell him to get home and get serious about the marriage and improving it, OR take a hike forever. I would absolutely insist immediately that he cease any and all communication with women -- yes, you do have a right. My dear, you have waited long enough for him to come around, and now you are enabling his selfish behavior. Rise up from your submissiveness and take charge of your life -- I'd give him one week to come to his senses, or I'd file for divorce. You say that you love him more than anything, and after reading how he has treated you and blamed you, my question is, why?
Be strong!! No more doormat behavior!!
Take care and I hope this helps,
Doctor Becky
