QuestionIM 25, My common law is 26. Im pregnant again with the second child, our first is 1 half. HE has an old fashion state of mind. I stay at home and do everything, he works makes the money and thats all he thinks he should do. He hides money on me, when i need it i have to ask and tell him exactly how much i need and what its for. Is there any changing someone like this or should i just give up. He doesnt think counsiling will do anything. He says im always wrong and im stupid for even considering a councilor. I dont know what to do. PLease help me, im terrified of a second child with him.
AnswerDear Amanda,
Thank you for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
I had originally written a big long answer to your question but then decided it was a waste of time.
The best thing that you can do at this point is to move out and have your children adopted by caring, loving couple. You and I both know that your current situation is not a good one for you or for your child (soon to be children). And you also know that you cannot raise these children alone and give them the kind of life that they need and deserve.
You have made three big mistakes. 1. Staying with this man. 2. Having one child 3. Getting pregnant again. Do not make more mistakes by trying to raise two children alone. If you adopt them to loving families you will have the opportunity to get YOUR life back on track.
As for him being controlling. You knew how he was when you met him and still you had two children with him. You are the one that is in charge of getting pregnant and you made the decisions both times to do it. Personally, I see nothing wrong with the conditions that you describe. This is how things are in my family. My husband works and I stay home and he controlls all the money. If I need something I tell him and if it is reasonable he gives me the money for it. Other than taking care of the house, I don't need money for anything else anyway. Instead of trying to make him change who he is. Take a look at yourself and ask yourself why have YOU changed?
Maybe you are tired and bored with being a full-time mother and would like to go back to school and get a job (ditch the kid), well sorry, YOU decided to have the babies and now you are stuck raising them. Sure, it's a lot easier to put them in day care and let someone else do the dirty work while you have "fun" in school or work, but YOU MADE THE DECISION TO GET PREGNANT TWICE. So deal with it like an adult. Stay home and raise the children and be a GOOD partner to your husband.
Oh, by the way. Being a "common law" is so bogus. It is an excuse for people who are too lazy to get "really married" or aren't ready to be fully committed to a relationship. Get married. It's not that hard to do. And if you can't deal with owning up to your choices to be a partner and a parent, adopt your kids out to someone who can and next time make better choices.
Best of luck
R. M. French
