QuestionHello I need some marriage advice. I have been married to my wife for one year. I met and started dating her 3 years ago.
She was gainfully employed when we met and started dating. Matter of fact she was making twice as much money. Six
Months into the relationship she lost her job and I was of course inclined to help out. I also allowed her a year off to obtain
Her second masters degree. After she obtained her masters degree we got married. I thought that by then she would get a job
And we could move forward with our lives. Lo and behold his is going on the third year and still no job. I am truly struggling struggling
At this point in my life and living paycheck to paycheck. Which is causing big tension in our household. I feel like she should try
To get a job that has a descent salary. She is looking for that big time career job which she may not be able to find. Right
Now we are not speaking. She has no bills by the way. I have all of the bills $40.000 worth of debt. She is made that I do not
Include her on the descision making of the household finances. I feel like why should I include her if I am paying all of the bills and
There is hardly nothing left after the bills are paid. Am I wrong? I am already bitter that she is not helping out the situation. And
On top of that she is also mad because she wants to have a baby. I am 42 with extremely bad health problems and she is 44 with
Women issues. We both have adult kids and I do not see the need to start over. I am so ready to call it quits. What do you suggest?
I am so sorry that this letter is so long. I just wanted you to understand what is going on in my household.
AnswerDear John,
Thank youi for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
Your wife seems to have a rather misguided idea of what marriage is all about. Most people think that marriage is a 50/50 proposition but in fact, to make a marriage successful, BOTH parties have to give 100 percent. It sounds to me like you are doing all the giving and your wife is doing all the taking here.
Of course, in your financial situation your wife must go to work immediately doing "anything" (even flipping burgers, if necessary), to help reduce the FAMILY debt - not YOUR debt, the FAMILY debt.
Your wife's high-and-mighty attitude about work isn't going to pay the bills or put food on the table.
Yes, you have every right to make the decisions if you are paying all the bills. But that isn't much of a marriage.
Your wife is immature and self-centered but I'm sure you already know that. There is no way that you can force her to be a loving, caring responsible wife. Unfortunately.
I would suggest that you put her on a strict budget and make her stick to it. NO money for her unless she earns it herself. No make-up, no clothes, no NOTHING out of your pocket! You're already paying for everything.
As for the child issue. I recommend a vasectomy. Even though she is 44 and not very fertile at this point, you can't risk an unwanted (by you) pregnancy. Women, after all - have all the control over it, in the long run. I think in your current situation, the last thing you want to worry about is another mouth to feed and 18 years worth of child support payments to a woman who insists on being financially irresponsible and lives beyond her means.
I would talk with an attorney about protecting any financial assets you might have.
Best of luck to you.
R. M. French
