QuestionHello,
I need help! I do not know if I have gone crazy or if I am sane! I was recently engaged to a wonderful man. We have been dating two years. We decided to cut back on expenses we really have always dreamed of a carribian wedding! We decided this June on a cruise. The second I told his monther, she started in, first of all they are catholic, "how can I not become catholic and wed in their church", then that passed. Now I am constantly bothered with emails about how a wedding is the most important occasion in ones life how can I marry and turn around and noone will be there? I have been telling her please we made our choice. We also invited her to come. She wont except that she is so controlling, nothing I do is right. Just yesterday after I told her we paid for the wedding already, she sent me a reception hall that cost minimun 12,500 just for food and hall! She isnt paying! She is recently divorced i know its tough, but all my fiance's ;life she has tried to control him. He is 33 years old!I have a wonderful family they support us all the way for our destination wedding, now she is trying to arrange a meeting with them, and they really do not care to meet her after all the trouble she is causes me. She calls us once a day yelling about how we need to have a small wedding at least because we have to celebrate with HER friends and family. She is extremly showy and I feel wants something extravagant to show off, or give her something to do. She has never worked and is now single. I feel she is manipulating me buy saying people will be hurt that cant come, and now she is telling me she wants my familt to become hers and it never stops. its email after email. Is there a point where I have to become firm? And because I am marrying her son, does this mean my family has to meet her?
Thanks,
Kristy
AnswerDear Kristy,
You have made your decision and you should stick by it, it is your AND your fiance's wedding (I am assuming he feels the same way you do). Yes, divorce is hard, really hard. And when someone gets a divorce they generally want to do EVERYTHING possible to stop it from happening to someone they love (your fiance) hence the religious wedding and tons of familial support.
Some compassion and understanding will go a long way. Telling her that you appreciate her concern, and that you know she loves her son and you do too. BUT you are confident that you are taking the right steps for you. It may be helpful if your fiance steps in here and says something to his mom.
She maybe showy because she has little right now to be showy about except for her son's wedding. Perhaps a get together at a local restaurant after the wedding would suffice. It may be just thing to start off on the right foot with your husband's side of the family. They are your family too once you marry and who wants to bad note.
Being firm now will help you in future situations with your mother-in-law. What her friends is important to her, not to you. Check out theknot.com, they have message boards and articles on how to handle in laws. I'm sure there's some helpful advice there!
I hope this was of some help.
