QuestionHi Donald. I've been married to a man who is a good provider for the past 9 years. We have two little boys (7 and 3 1/2). While dating my husband for six years I realized he was always very moody and negative. I made the mistake of marrying him which I know was dumb on my part. I thought I could just adjust and in fact I have done my best to ignore his tendencies.
He does not hit or cut me down, but he is a drag to listen to. If it's not the weather, it's the traffic, if it's not the traffic, it's someone who is a jerk, if it's not that, it's something else. He blows his top over minor things and personally, I find his behavior very immature. It's acts like a spoiled little boy.
One of my first signs was how he treated his mom. He yells at her on the phone over the dumbest things. He judges her and tells her what she is doing wrong. His mom gives it back to him sometimes or just puts up with it. It's a very stressful environment to be around having to listen to all the time. I often take the kids outside when he's on the phone with his mom so they don't have to hear him either.
We now have these two boys to raise, and I am doing my best to be a good mom. I know I can never change his negative ways, but as a wife and a mother, can you recommend a really good book out there on how I can deal with all his negativity that pulls me down on a daily basis? I know I have to be the calm one in raising these boys, and I also know they may become just like him. Any book you can recommend would be greatly appreciated.
AnswerHi Cyndi,
I know what you are talking about, and unfortunately, there are many people like your husband, who are unable to see the good in things, and prefer to see the negative side of anything that happens in their lives. It's a pity, really, because there is so much time wasted in feeling bad and negative and in my book TIME is my most limited resource, so I prefer to spend it feeling good about things.
One day, when your husband realizes this same fact, he may look back and see how much time he wasted feeling bad and making others feel bad. If he is smart enough to see it, he will spend whatever time he has left being happy and positive.
As for you, you are correct in that you cannot change him, and that you can only change yourself. Expect nothing in life, but hope for everything. I will send you to a website where you will find
what you may be looking for...
I hope it helps.
http://www.life-with-confidence.com/how-to-deal-with-negative-people.html
I wish you all the best that life has to offer. If you are positive at all times, and simply let him rant and rave, he may wake up at some point. It's infectious to be positive and it attracts nicer people as well. Too bad you didn't step back and resolve this issue before you married him, but such is life.
kindest regards to you and your family.
Don
