QuestionI am having a problem with my husband of 12 years recently, after 15 years receiving e-mails from his ex-wife. Their youngest child is 30 years old so I see no reason for this. She tells him about all her problems in her current marriage plus sends e-mails sometimes 2 x a week. My husband sees nothing wrong in this but I do. I think the emails should stop now. He is very passive and doesn't see why it should bother me but I wonder if I was communicating with my ex-husband he would like it. I think it is unfair that she feels the privilege to contact him since she left him for someone else initially. Please give me your input.
AnswerHi Carol,
I appreciate your point, and you are correct to a degree. If she is contacting him with regards to the children or responsibilities that they both share with regards to the children, than that is one thing. If they are still good friends, then that is another thing. If she feels the privilege to contact him so frequently and this is something that bothers you, then your husband should respect your wishes and tone down the communications with her. The idea that she shares all that is wrong with her current relationship with your husband is simply very awkward, to say the least.
Make a point of asking him whether he would feel as comfortable about the issue if it were indeed your ex-husband that was doing the same.
Although there may be nothing going on, and they perhaps share a simple friendship, the fact that it bothers you should be respected. She made her decision and she should allow you your privacy with your husband. Of course, if your husband does not feel that way, then you must find a way to make him understand that you are finding it a very difficult situation to accept.
A friendship with a past spouse is one thing, but when it is invasive to one of you, then it must be handled so that it does not interfere with your feelings, as they are reasonable.
I hope this helps,
Don.
