QuestionHi John,
My husband and I have been married for 27 years. 17 years ago I had an affair. My husband found out and kicked me out of the house. We were separated for 6 months and then reconciled. He says he can forgive me but never forget what I did. I have not cheated on him since that time and promised him I never will. I try not to do anything to cast suspicion on myself. I will NEVER cheat again!
The problem is everytime we have a disagreement he throws the affair into my face. For instance if I don't feel like having sex he says something like "I'll bet you never told that to him".
Now to top it off our daughter just left her husband for another man. I feel very guilty about this. I feel at least partially responsible. (she knows I had an affair) My husband also holds me responsible for our daughters infidelity. He says "like mother like daughter".
I don't know how to handle things anymore. Please help me if you can. I need guidance.
AnswerDear Sharon,
Your husband sounds to me like a very selfish man. He thinks he has some kind of "hold" over you by mentioning your affair every time you have a disagreement. This is not fair to you and I think deep down he kind of likes the fact that you strayed because that way he can always "throw it in your face".17 years is a lifetime ago and I am sure that you are not the same person now as you were then. You should tell him to either "get over it" or get a divorce since he can't seem to get past it.Most normal men would have forgiven and even forgotten by now.My ex wife cheated on me and I have forgiven her for that although we are no longer together. He either has to completely forgive and try to forget or continue to be stuck in the pathetic loop that he is in.
Your daughter'sinfidelity was not caused by your actions. 50% of marriages break up these days and most of the break ups are caused by infediltely.
I repeat that I do suspect that your husband enjoys having this pathetic "hold" over you.A good marriage is supposed to be based on trust and respect which you seem to have little of with him.
Let me know if I can help you any further Sharon.Maybe you should show my reply to him.
Best wishes,
John Baranyai
