QuestionI am a 57 year old female, married to a 68 year old male who has been engaged in an emotional affair with a 30 year old woman for approximately 2 years. I have been aware of this affair for at least one year. Recently we celebrated our 33rd anniversary and I discovered that while we were supposedly out of town for a romantic weekend he was sending her love notes. He has stated in the past that this affair came about because she met his needs, that I had deserted him approximately 10 years ago (while raising 3 children) that she is his soul-mate/"pain past". I have been through therapy on my own to get my head straightened out. I love the man, but how much hurt do I have to go thru? He also states that he will not stop seeing her. they meet for coffee but never go in to restaurants, but sit in his car. I am just so lonely and need someone to be there for me. Is it ok for me to start looking for someone?
AnswerMarie,
Thank you for writing. Just reading your letter I can sense the pain and sadness. It sounds as if you are resigned to your fate and are trying to figure out how to grasp on to something for yourself.
Well, let me tell you, what your husband is doing us dead wrong, and there is no justification for it. Only a coward would find solace with another person while married. If he had any courage at all he would attempt to work things out with you, OR he would divorce you and start dating. What he is doing underlines his cruelty and self-centerdness. My question to you is, why do you tolerate such nonsense for even one second? If I were you, I'd punt kick this disrespectful old man out the window. You don't have a marriage, so why pretend any longer that you do?
My advice to you is to not take the low road as your husband has done, I'm talking about the cheating road. Dump him, THEN start dating. You deserve to be cherished, and there are plenty of men out there who will treat you as you deserve.
Good luck, dear. I hope this hels.
Doctor Becky
