QuestionMy husband and I got married young, I am 20 and he is 22. We have been married for only 4 months when he told me that he no longer feels like he deserves to be happy and that the feeling makes him unable to be happy with me. He says there is no one else and I believe him.
I am still madly in love with my husband and I truly believe that if he would only agree to go faithfully to counseling that we can work through this and that we can make it. My husband on the other hand doesn't believe that anyone can help him. We have been to one counseling appointment and it did help a little, but he doesn't want to go back. I'm not asking for much, just a few visits and for him to try it.
You see, he still tells me that he loves me more than anything and anyone and that he wishes he could change his feelings and make our marriage work, but he wont really try.
Is there any chance that a judge would take my side and order counseling? I just want to be able to say that we tried our hardest and we did all we could. Right now, I just feel like hes giving up way too easily, especially for still saying he loves me.
AnswerHi Kirsten~
It sounds as though he could be depressed. Depression can be a very ugly and unforgiving thing to cope and deal with. I would insist that he seek some counseling with me, if I were in your shoes. And, yes, a judge can most definitely order him to seek some counseling and try to work on the marriage before you're granted a divorce. It can't hurt to ask the judge, should this go the route of divorce court in the future. He's being unfair to you and to your marriage vows by refusing to go to some form of counseling. He could even go by himself and you don't have to know what he's discussed with a counselor. It's the very least that he could do for you to show that he's attempting to make an effort. He owes that much to you, even if he does makes a half-heart-ed attempt.
Getting married young can certainly have disadvantages to it. I speak from experience as well. I was with my first husband at the age of 19. We dated for a year, and then at 20 discussed marriage, children and the like. I got pregnant at 20, shortly after that we got married, and had our daughter one month after I turned 21. We went on to have 2 more children (3 in total) and the marriage got worse and worse as time went on (I'm not saying this happens in all marriages), and we become different ppl. Of course, there was also violence and abuse in our marriage too. We were young and dumb and made some bad decisions. I don't regret getting married that young and having our children young. It all comes with life experiences, and you learn from your mistakes along the way. We divorced after 3 children and 5.5 yrs of marriage.
You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Marriage is definitely not easy, it's a constant work in progress, no matter how long you've been together/married. That's the honest to goodness truth. I'm on my second marriage it's been hard work. I've now been married almost 13 yrs and we have a daughter together. Marriage is team work and it takes two ppl to make it work, that's a fact. He has to be a willing participant in order for things to get better. You can't do this all by yourself. He has to pull his weight in this too. Talk to him and see why he feels this way, it's best for him to open and honest with you and up front with what's going on in his mind. And if it's he loves you but isn't IN love with you, while it'll be crushing to face, you deserve to know the truth as to why he's acting this way, and why he wants to take the easy way out and not man up and tell you what's really going on in his head. I hope this helps you some.
