QuestionI don't know what to do. My husband and I are not doing well in our relationship. I don't feel that he's my partner, my soft place to fall. We don't sleep together (in any form of the word), he doesn't help around the house or with the kids. He doesn't introduce me to any of his friends or coworkers when we see them when we are out. We have only been married two years and it feels like 25. We have 2 small children (2 1/2 yrs and 6 mos) and I am so tired of being tired, upset, angry, all the time. I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't think that things are that bad. I feel like I need to resign to being unhappy and stop expecting anything, that way I won't stay so upset. He is very loyal to his family and does anything for them, and he's the same way with our children, but not for me. I just feel second class. Please help...
AnswerDear Jamie,
You are not alone and you don't have to feel the way you do- it's up to you to make your marriage better. So many couples are where you are right now and the only way to move beyond this is to address it and come up with a plan to change it. There is help in a variety of ways....
Check out these websites:
1. equalityinmarriage.org- During Marriage section- "Revitalize Your Marriage" page
2. smartmarriages.com- TONS of marriage retreats and classes for those who "don't think anything is wrong".
3. http://www.pairsfoundation.com/programs/index.html- some of the retreats mentioned here might be helpful.
Another way to get yourself started on taking some action is to write down everything you are not happy with in your relationship, then on a separate piece of paper write down everything you are happy with. Write down your personal goals and your marriage goals, invite your spouse to do the same. Talk about the things you listed on both - what ones can be improved upon on the "not happy with list" what on the "happy with " list can you do more of? No marriage is perfect and they always need attention, especially when kids are invloved. Set a good example and take this challenge headon.
Use google to locate articles on "After the honeymoon" or "young parents + marriage", be creative in your search topics.
There's no need to resign, you can turn this around, even if he thinks nothing is wrong...image what it could be like if you were happier- he and you could have an amazing partnership, be amzing parents and most importantly be individuals who you both admire and respect.
I hope this was helpful!
