QuestionS. Kessler,
My husband is six years older than I am, but it seems that I am "too mature" for our relationship. I know that being a mother to my six month old son at such a young age of 20 isn't the norm. I try my best to manage motherhood, two jobs, and being a wife. The problems in our relationship expand widely from cleaning, to finances, to in-laws, to sex, etc., etc. I ask my older sister, Liz, for advice and it seems to help a bit. Now, I think it's time to ask an expert!
Whenever I try to have a serious conversion with my husband, he changes the subject to anything else (i.e. cartoons, what he heard on the radio, what he saw at work). It has gotten so bad, that when I call him from work to do an errand for me, he starts telling me about celebrity gossip. When I notice that the conversations started conflicting with my work, I explained to him that he should call when he really needs to, not when he wants to. He got upset and said he wasn't going to call me anymore. I thought that was childish. I know that I'm the only "friend" my husband has, but when it comes to subjects like that, he can call his sisters, brothers, or co-workers. I may sound like I don't want to "mess around" or escape reality like he does. I just have too many things going on in my life that I don't even get a break to laugh with him.
My husband is a very sweet and loving man who provides greatly for my son and me. I would love to speak with him about anything! I just feel that if I try to act my age, everything will be unbalanced and nothing will get done in our household.
Can you please help me escape before I loose my husband to a women who finds his conversations appealing!?
AnswerHi M-Dina~
Maybe he's just doing it b/c he feels it's important enough to share with you. How often does he call to tell you something? If it's all the time,then maybe you could sit down with him and have him start limiting his phone calls to say only twice per day. This way he can still talk to you about whatever it on his mind,but he's not constantly bugging you while you are at work and busy.
It's very important that you acknowledge what he's trying to tell you. I mean you don't want to come across to him,as what he's saying doesn't matter or is just trivial to you. That could hurt his feelings. Some men have very fragile egos and get their feelings hurt quite easily. So if you just blow him off all the time,he's going to get upset and his feelings hurt. Perhaps when he does this you could try to sound interested. But for example if you are busy,try saying something like "Oh,honey that's great! I would love to hear about this a little bit later,but I'm pretty busy at this moment." And maybe if you get a free moment when you aren't too busy,just call him back and ask him what he wanted to share with you.
I know sometimes what guys have to say isn't really important to some women,or we really just don't care b/c it doesn't interest us. But it's nice to just hear them out sometimes and let them go on for a bit about whatever they are interested in at the moment,that they just feel so compelled to share with us. Even though we may be bored to tears and just want to roll our eyes. I think it's normal for you to feel this way.
On the other hand,you don't have to be so serious and straight forward all the time either. It's nice to just kick back and be able to humor someone,even though what they are saying is totally retarded or lame. Put it this way,how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot. If you were in his situation and he didn't seem very interested in what you had to say (something that totally interested or excited you),and you just really wanted to share with him. I imagine your feelings would be hurt too,if he just blew you off and did what you do to him. I'm not saying that you don't care about what he says to you. Rather that some guys are just super sensitive when it comes to their feelings. And we have to be understanding and nice to them,to not hurt their feelings sometimes.
I'm sure I've been rambling on and on. I think you get what I'm trying to say though. I completely understand how you feel though. Sometimes just saying "Oh really,that's cool." Or "Oh that's neat!",goes a long way with a guy. And it makes them feel as whatever they have to say is important and worthwhile,interesting,etc.
If you have any other questions please feel free to ask.
