QuestionMy husband and I have known each other for ten years and been married for almost 4. We have 2 kids together 5&7 yrs old. I am a stay at home mom and he works full time. We just bought our home of 6 yrs in September. Basically we have the "happy family" package or at least I thought.
One evening recently my husband was home before I got home and he was in his "getaway room" and he was sitting in the dark listening to music. I asked him what was the matter? he said "nothing" I then got defensive and started to badger him with question of what happened at work? Is it me? ect. he said that it was "nothing" I told him if he tells me what is wrong I will listen and stop asking questions. He told me he was just "unhappy" I then asked again if it was me? he said "no" But he "lies" to me when he doesn't want to talk about something that is going to upset me because he thinks I will take it the wrong way. I know my husband very well and I know something is wrong. One day things were fine and the next he is miserable and says he's just unhappy. It is affecting me and I am the rock of the family and I don't want to crumble. I asked it was someone else and he said "no" and asked if it was me and said "no" but I don't believe him, he is hiding something. My question is...
Why is he so unhappy and what can I do to that will not push him away?
Thanks-Julie
AnswerHi Julie~
It seems that you really need to sit down and just have a good heart to heart talk with him. When you do, make sure you do it in a nonconfrontational way. This way he's more apt to open up and talk to you about what's really bothering him. Some men when you start getting upset or defensive clam right up and refuse to talk.
You need to let him know that you are very concerned about what's bothering him, and you want to help him the best way you know how. Whatever his issues are. He could have some form of depression, which is very common in ppl (men and women). As you've said though, something is bothering him, you just have to find out what and try and solve it together as a couple.
He needs to know that you are there for him, whenever he needs you to be. That's your role as a wife and mother to be there and help with any problems or issues that come up in life, and to work them out when possible. The same with a marriage. It's a two way street, it takes two ppl to work on it. And it's a constant work in progress, no ones marriage is w/o problems.
The key here is to get him to open up somehow. You could even suggest going to counseling of some kind. This will let him know that you are and are willing to work on whatever issues are bothering him, and you will support him the best you can.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
