QuestionDear Sir,
thanks a lot for your time.here is my story.My fiance' and I met in germany when she worked at a military base.I'm french and she is british.
she got moved to germany on nov 2008.since then we have kept in touch,seen each other,took trips together and so on. i even went home with her in may of 2009.i met her family all,got along really well and just had an overall great time.So in June of 2009,right before her birthday and secure about my feelings,i decided to propose her and she accepted.We are getting married on nov 2010.
So far so good.we still great along greatly and we deeply love each other.
Way before i proposed her she had told me about her young brother moving in with her to germany so that he ,right after graduating from college,could get a new life exeperience and so on.plus whe woulda also kept her company since she didnt really know many people back then.
Myself i assumed that this woulda been just a time limited experience.Now he has got a job on base and i fear that the guy has no intention to move out of her sister's by the wedding time.(mainly i think because he is scared to move and face life on his own)Meanwhile he is applying for other job in the UK(eventually he could be hired thus go back home)
When i first spoke about it to my fiance' she told me that she couldnt just kick her brother out of her place(on which i agreed and told her that eventually her brother should move out on his own understanding that we need our own time as newlyweds);again i doubt he'd do that cause to me he would prolly ultimatlyavoid the topic even if clearly confronted with.
Let me state first hand that i get along with her brother really well and we share a lot of hobbies.although our age difference kicks in from time to time.and me being the oldest sometimes i dont quite understand some of his behaviors(for instance we had been gone for 2 weeks and when we returned home we got to figure out that he never went grocery shopping) nothing major for now.
Last but not least since i already lived in the UK for work before and i do speak the language,we have agreed that it would be easier if we moved to England after the german tour instead of France.That means i am going to give up my french govt job and having to start all over again in a new country.but i have no problem with that cause i really love my fiance' and i will face everything in order to be with her and make her life better.
Also keep in my mind that ,although i have spent periods of time living with her, i still live in france as of now.so basicallly we have been in a long distance relationship this whole time(we did see each other every two weeks and spoke to each other over the phone everyday)
NOW HERE IS MY QUESTION:
is it healthy for our new married life together having to share our place with her brother once we get back from the honeymoon?
should she talk about this to him so that she can give him a fair warning?
I am a bit scared/confused about this topic because once i get married i want to enjoy my wife fully especially at fisrt(dont get me wrong i want to have friends,family visiting and so on)but i also want to have the freedom to walk naked ,make love to her when i want and not just when her brother is at work.
I hope i didnt write too long.
thank you very much
AnswerHi Albert,
NOW HERE IS MY QUESTION:
---is it healthy for our new married life together having to share our place with her brother once we get back from the honeymoon?---
I personally don't think so , unless it is understood that it is a very temporary arrangement.
---Should she talk about this to him so that she can give him a fair warning?---
If you both agree that you need to be together without interference or restrictions in your own home, then yes, she should most definitely talk to him and set a date that can be agreed upon by all parties. It is noble to help one's immediate family, but consider that when you get married, she is your family and vice versa. Ask her if she would accept your brother being there in the same capacity. You'll get the answer that will tell you what to do.
regards,
Don.
