QuestionMy wife's sister (ex heroin addict) has been living with us for the last 5 years and has not done our marriage any favors in my opionion.
My wife I know loves her sister but I think It
is time to set her sister straight on her responsiblities around the home. Her sister
does absoulutely nothing around the place to help
out, constantly complains, but is always ready
when the dinner bell rings. This has been bothering me for quite awhile, I have brought this up to my wife but she always ends up trying to protect her saying "she is not all there"
I think some of this is an act on her sister's
part. Well I brought this up again the other day and now my wife has mentioned divorce because she is tired of talking about it. I could go on and on about some of the things her sister has done but just need some advice. Not
sure if she really means it but this situation is in need of repair. Any advice would be much appreciated. The only thing I can think of is not to bring it up anymore.
rick
AnswerHi Rick~
It's high time that her sister got out and started living on her own and being a responsible adult and started taking care of herself. You can't raise her or fix any problems or personal demons she has to deal with. It's never a good idea to have family members life with you for this very reason. As it can cause a lot of conflicts in the home between a husband and wife. She feels obligated to stick up for her sister b/c she loves her and she's family. But at the same time she's not addressing any of the issues at hand. Rather she's ignoring them or she's in denial of the whole situation. Having the sister live there in your home has become a crutch to her, and she's milking it for all it's worth. She's a third wheel in your lives. Which is disrupting your life as a married couple, b/c you're never alone, you can't live a normal married life w/o the sister being involved and having to make decisions based around her living there in your home. It might be different if the sister were actually being productive and trying to make a difference in her life, working, helping around the home, and having goals of wanting to eventually get a place and be out on her own someday. But it's really the opposite by what you're describing to me here.
Something has to be done otherwise it's only going to get that much worse as time goes on. I think you need to sit down with your wife and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. She needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Perhaps you can come up with some sort of compromise to where this sister has a goal to get out on her own with your encouragement and help. If she refuses, well, then you'll have to make a decision based on that action. Which is either one of two things. A) You continue to live like this and be miserable and just settle for all this. Or B) You tell her you can't keep living like this and something has to be done, if she threatens to divorce you, well, then do be it. But she can't sit there and expect you to keep putting up with her sister's nonsense. You have to be willing to give her that ultimatum though or just live with it (which I certainly think you shouldn't do at all--meaning that you just settle and continue all this). Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one. The important thing here is to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy.
