QuestionQUESTION: After 3 weeks of separation and months of thinking from back starting in March my husband said he made a decision and that he is 100% sure he is done with the marriage. He said he won't say the "divorce" word yet because it is just too much. He wanted to stay separated indefinately and take baby steps toward ending the marriage. I have had enough and if he wants out than I want to file for divorce in the next few weeks. Is there any chance he wanted the extra time to make sure this is what he really wants dispite the fact that he said he is 100% done or it is just because he does not want to deal with all of the life changes that will go along with the divorce. He said for now he would rather deal with the emotional part of decided it to be done. I don't get it though because he said he was done back in March....so why drag it out now? It just does not make sense. Any insight? Thanks!
ANSWER: Hi Jennifer~
He refuses to say the word divorce, yet he's said it's done and he's already separated and in the process of moving on with his life slowly? Correct me if I'm wrong in any of that. If he's 100% done then the sooner he begins to put this marriage behind him and move on with his life, the better. He shouldn't leave you hanging like that and make you wonder what he's thinking.
Let's say he's IS 100% done with the marriage. Perhaps he's doing this b/c he's having a hard time going through all of this right now, and he honestly doesn't know how to react at this moment. Going through a separation and divorce is hard for anyone that goes through one. And it may just be up to you to take matters into your own hands. Tell him that you're not willing to drag this out any longer. If he's made up his mind that this marriage is finished, then fine, but you're not waiting around for him forever to take baby steps to end the marriage. It's better to file, go through the divorce and get it over with. The sooner the better, so that you can begin to grieve the loss of the marriage and to move on and rebuild your life w/o him in it. I hope in all of my rambling I've made some sort of sense here and I've given you some insight to why he might be acting this way.
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QUESTION: I am going to take matters into my own hands and get the divorce going in the next few weeks. I am not waiting around if he says he is done. Is there any chance that maybe he will change his mind despite the fact that all he said for months now is that he is done, there is no feelings there, etc. I mean there is no chance here that he will want to try to work on our relationship right?
ANSWER: Hi Jennifer~
That is correct. He's the one that said he's 100% done. You have to no reason to not believe him. So you now have to take matters into your own hands and go through with the divorce. It's just not fair to you that he leaves you hanging on w/o telling you what he's thinking or wanting to do. If it's over it's over and it's time to unfortunately move on with the divorce process.
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QUESTION: Well we have moved forward and we are going to start discussing things like custody, finances, etc. before we go to mediation. Is there any chance he will change his mind at this point or are we too far down the road?
AnswerHi Jennifer~
Well, sure, there is always that slight chance that he could possibly change his mind. His actions would have to show and prove to you that this is the case though. Other than that, don't get your hopes up too much, b/c they might get hurt and crushed if you start believing and thinking he might change his mind. Does that make any sense? It's okay to hope for the best, yet prepare for the worse.
