QuestionHi Samantha,
I met a man 15 months ago and fell deeply in love with him. He was everything i have ever wanted in a man. I am a divorced (9yrs) mother of 3 wonderful children. He treats me and my kids so very well and I was so happy until I found out after several months that he was still married. He said the divorce papers are filed and are being held up due to property proceedings. He explained in many details why he lied and that he knew the marriage was over. I forgave him and then later found out that he had been seeing another lady for the past 4.5 years and was actually engaged to her and she had no idea he was married either. I also found that he had many chat buddies and frequented many dating sites. He has since then called, emailed, etc. all those women and told them that he is in love with me and sorry for all the hurt he caused them. I am in so much pain and apparently a fog because my mind says run, but my heart won't let go. he says he had trust issues with women his whole life and always kept a "plan b" accessible in case Plan A didn't come through. He was married for 20 years and apparently she knew nothing of all these affairs he has had over the years. He blames all the women in his life for his infidelity and says he finally wants to change and be a better man. He put a tracker on his phone where I could see where he is at all times and has given me access to his phone but inside, how can i believe that anyone can really change at 48 years old without a miraculous move of God? I have never been insecure or without confidence but for the first time in my life, I feel trapped, numb, lost and dead inside. I am so in love with this man, but I keep asking myself why. Please help me.
AnswerHi Donna~
He's a professional cheater and a womanizer. Run, run, run for the hills and do NOT look back. He's telling you what you want to hear. He's lied to you the whole time, he's told you a pack of lies and he now suddenly wants to miraculously change?! BS! I wouldn't believe a damn word this man has said to you. He's based your whole relationship on nothing but one lie after another. He lied to and fooled his wife of 20 yrs. This other woman for 4.5 yrs and now you. Not to mention all the numerous women he's been talking to in chat rooms online! Doesn't this send up major red flags for you even after he's somehow confessed to all this? If not, then it certainly should. The point here is that he can't be trusted nor should he. The best indicator or future behavior is past behavior. Do you really want to forgive him and go around with blinders on and stay with a man who's purposely mislead and lied to you and many other women. I'd sure hope not.
I can understand your heart saying stay and blah...blah...blah. But you can't listen to it, if you do it'll get you into that much more trouble and if you stayed with him it'd only get worse as time went on. You can't do that to yourself and your children. Lying is unacceptable. Cheating is unacceptable. His behavior is rude, crude and socially unacceptable and it's inappropriate for a grown MARRIED man to lie and lead several women on. He's perfect at pretending b/c he's become a professional at it. A smooth talker and sly man. I was married to that kind of man one time. And even after my divorce from him he still talks a good talk and tries to convince me to do things. I have to dig deep and say no. Otherwise, I'd be gullible and fall for his lies, etc and it turns out to be the same song and dance that I went through before.
It's convenient isn't it how it's always everyone else's fault but his own, when he blames other women for how he turned out. I know it certainly doesn't help when you love someone that's betrayed you like this. He is what he is, he's shown his true colors and it's time for you to move on with your life w/o him in it. Just b/c you love him doesn't mean you should be with him. And I think deep down in your heart of hearts you know that. It'll take some time for you to get over him and really realize the type of sleazy man he truly is. And it's really unfortunate when a man takes advantage of a trusting woman such as yourself. You deserve better and it's time you put the distance between you and he. Sure, it'll be tough but you can do it. It's time you think of yourself and your children. If you stay then he's got you right where he wants you and that's under his spell and control. You owe yourself and your children more than what he's currently capable of giving you. He's not worth your time and effort anymore. Walk away and break the chain of badness he's left in his wake. I hope this helps you some.
