Question'll keep it short. I m 21 and I met a 28 year old guy last year during a vacation. We're the kind of Indian community that has to marry within our race, and I felt he's the best guy I've met so far. Considering, we're quite a minority, I doubt I'll meet another guy this amazing and I didn't pursue him 'cause he's old enough and of marriageable age and his family is already looking out for brides for arranging his marriage. I m finishing college and I still have to go to grad school and work, all that, so the earliest I can make myself available for marriage is after 3 years.
As for, what he feels for me, I can guess, I m more of his back-up plan. He and his family having been bride searching for ages and if it continues till I get older, he'll probably come around and ask his family to ask mine for me. In the past one year since I met him, he had an alliance with a girl he met on a matrimonial site but when he met her, he somehow dropped the plan and said it won't work out. No clue why. As of now, I know his cousin and I figure he's mentioned about me to his family. I m not sure, but I guess he's mentioned he likes me but I'm too young for him, not ready yet and we lives miles apart so we couldn't go out and get to know each other.
He's never "called" me or emailed or anything. I'm online all the time, so he'll ping in once in a while and keep it short and flirty. I hope I am right to conclude he's not interested in me at all. He probably just likes the idea of amusing himself to know/get a hint that I like him.
Having convinced myself, that he's not into me, could you please tell me- how should I get over it and move on? I feel so ashamed I've been somebody's amusement.
AnswerHi Madhu~
If you have to wait until you get married for another 3 yrs anyway, why bother waiting on him. There are other great guys out there you just have to find them. And especially if you don't think he's into you and he's using you as a back up! That's not right and it's very unfair for him to do you this way. If you get the vibe from him that he's using you, then he likely is. Trust your gut instincts and listen to them. After all they are there for a reason and that's to tell you when something either feels right or when it doesn't. So trust them always, your instincts will not ever steer you wrong.
By him not regularly contacting you and really putting forth the effort to talk to you, contact you, email, phone you, etc that not not a good sign in my personal opinion. Perhaps it is best if you move on with your life for now. And if it's meant to be with him, he'll come back to you and pursue you and pay more attention to you. Especially if he sees that you've moved on and you're not conveniently waiting around for him to contact you, etc. You should go with your heart and to do what's right for you and what makes you happy in the end. Your feelings matter too, not just his and it's not always about him. If you feel he's playing games with you, don't be available for that, have very little to do with him, be busy and have a life outside of him.
I know it's hard to move on with someone you really like and you have feelings for. The point here is you deserve to be treated with the love and respect from a man, don't feel that you just have to settle for him out of convenience or whatever the case may be. In time it'll become a little easier and you'll be able to move on with your life w/o him in it. It's often a slow process though. You are no ones amusement and game, you're a human being and you have thoughts and feelings just like anyone else. And if he can't love and respect you for that, he's not worthy of your time, period. I hope this helps you some.
