QuestionHi S. Kessler,
I've used this site before, I'm not positive which expert I posed a question to. It was back in 8/28/07. I think it was S. Kessler. But my question is about the same thing I had asked about before.
My husband, Steve, is a subcontractor and has been working at a home of a very wealthy couple and their 2 young children for the past year. There are many types of contractors working there. They come and go all the time. But he has become very friendly with Claire. She's invited him to their shore house for the weekend and now they're planning a ski trip. Of course her husband (who doesn't ski) is coming, with their children. And I'll be going. When she invited us to their shore house I told Steve I did not want to go because I had a not so good first impression of her. He went ahead and made the plans anyway. I again told him I wasn't interested and he became very upset and depressed that I wouldn't go. I made him cancel it. Now I find out he made plans for a ski vacation with her and her family. The way he went about it was deceptive and manipulative. When he first brought it up it was a ski trip for just us. Then a week later he said he'd like to invite some friends to go along on the trip. I said sure. We have alot of friends and family that ski. A week later he said he'd like to go in the middle of January. He said also that most of the people that are going have yound children and can only ski on the weekend. I was like "who?" (All our friends kids are grown and gone) I said you mean Claire, right? He said yes. So along he's been making plans w/her but was probably afraid to tell me. Now, a few days ago he said Claire & her husband said they know of a nice place to stay between Killington and Stowe and we could all stay there. I was upset that he willingly did this knowing how I felt about her. I'm going to talk with him this weekend about it and tell him to cancel the plans with her and her family. We've also invited our "real" friends and some family. He also said about Claire & her husband, that he wants to be friends w/them because they are very wealthy and he wants to get into ther cirle. He said they're nice people & they have alot of money. (We don't)
Again, what do yo think?
Jackie
AnswerHi Jackie~
I think he's being overly friendly with this family for a reason. What that real reason is remains to be seen. But from what you've described it seems as though he's using this family for their money. For example--letting them invite him (and you) with them on their vacations, etc. In other words he wants to live way beyond his means at the expense of this couple. If they are dumb enough to let him, well, then, I guess that's their prerogative and they can do it. But you don't have to agree to go and tag along with them when they do go on these trips, etc.
In other words he's pretending to be something he's not. When he does this he's only lying to himself and setting himself up for failure (b/c he obviously can't afford this luxury lifestyle, as you already mentioned earlier). By him riding on their coattails and letting them pay for things (or whatever they do) that you can't afford he's only fooling himself and he's in denial. That's being very superficial by using these ppl and being nice to them, accepting their gifts of trips, coming to their house, etc---well, it's just not right that he's taking advantage of them and their friendliness b/c they happen to have money. It's wrong that he's doing this and pretending to be their friend. And who knows, are those his only intentions with Claire, or does he have underlying ulterior motives that you don't know about. I'm not saying he's actually cheating on you, rather speaking hypothetically of his real and true intentions. It sure seems fishy if you ask me and I would be leery and totally uncomfortable that he's being so accepting of their offers all the time (even if he's begging or asking you to go with him). Only he knows why he's doing this.
You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. He needs to know what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Perhaps you can work out these differences and fix them.
