QuestionMy Husband and I have been married for one year, together for 5. I am 38 and he is 29. We talked about having children before our relationship started to get serious and always agreed we both wanted a family. I am now ready to start trying but my Husband is not and we find it really difficult to communicate as there's no resolution as we want different things. He hasn't said he doesn't want to have kids, just not now but I am feeling really upset as it could take a long time to conceive. I love my Husband very much and understand a child should only be conceived when both parents are ready but wondered if there is anything I can do to help when I am feeling upset.
I have tried writing down my feelings and have stopped talking about it with him - I have a female friend I now confide in, not ideal long term but at least it takes the pressure off and stops us rowing.
Any advice is really appreciated.
AnswerHi Stephanie - this is always a tough issue and I have seen it many times. The sad fact is that there is not much you can do to speed up his desire for children.
One thing that I have seen work over time is exposure to little ones that engender a parental desire. Do you have friends or family that have infants that he could be exposed to?
I have seen instances when a reluctant father-to-be falls in love with the notion of holding their own child after they have held someone elses' baby. It can be very powerful.
I wish I had more to offer you but this is the only thing I have seen work over the years.
Good luck!
David
