Rebuilding Intimacy: Addressing Conflict & Challenges in Your Marriage

Question
OUR MARRIAGE HAS BEEN SUFFERING THIS LAST YEAR REALLY BAD. MY HUSBAND AND I FIGHT ALL THE TIME ABOUT SEX. HE DOESN'T WANT IT. HE IS A WORKAHOLIC AND COMES HOME EATS, SHOWERS, PLAYS W/KIDS FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES THEN OFF TO SLEEP. HE HAS RECENTLY BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH OBSTRUCTIVE SLEEP APNEA AND HE WANTS TO HAVE THE SURGERY TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER. HE SAYS HE IS TIRED OF FIGHTING ABOUT SEX AND DOESN'T EVEN CARE HOW I FEEL.I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM AND CONSTANTLY CRY. PLEASE HELP

Answer
Dear Diane,

Sounds like you have hit a "wall" and so has your husband. You are not alone. Many couples find themselves at odds (no matter how long they have been married).

I encourage you to visit equalityinmarriage.org's "During Marriage" section. There you will find a page entitled "Revitalize Your Marriage". There's information/links on marriage counseling, classes and retreats.

You may also find help at smartmarriages.com and marriage.about.com

Self esteem will come back when you make the decision to alter your approach. Take a step back look at what is in his life, then look at what is in yours. What are the differences, what are similarities? List the challenges you have with him and then, as best you can, list the challenges he says he has with you. Then use some of the words or phrases that you have come up with and research them using google.com. There is a ton of information online that can help you not feel so alone and more empowered.

You can turn this around.


I hope this was helpful.