Rebuilding Connection: How to Save a Strained Marriage

Question
my husband and I cannot not talk about anything personal. We can talk about anything else not related to our own personal relationship.  He feels I don't listen to him and I feel the same as well.  We have been getting into arguments that result in me leaving just so I don't have to be around him and he is getting online and looking up other women because he says he wants a relationship where he can be close to his mate.  He shows me little or no attention on a regular basis. He is not the only one at fault.  I am very demanding and expect alot out of everyone around me.  I can be bossy and abrupt at times.  I think he chooses unimportant things over me and that hurts my feelings.  He feels I don't appreciate the things that he does for me and my children at times.  We have been married for 3 years and lived together for 1.  We have 7 children 4 adult, 2 teenagers and 1 10 year old.  No children together.  We have 5 grandchildren and since they have all been born since we have been together, we consider them the same as if they were all biological.  We own 2 homes, 3 cars and are financially secure.  From the beginning of our relationship, he has been both physically and mentally unfaithful to our relationship. I trust him with everything but our marriage.  I have mentioned divorce in the past and now both of us mentioned it 2 days ago.  We are both tired of hurt emotions and arguments.

Answer
Hi Joyce~

Sure, it's certainly possible to save this marriage.  But you both have to be willing to make things work in order to salvage the marriage.  I would strongly urge you to seek some marriage counseling.  This way you can work on any issues and difference you have in the marriage.  

You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk.  He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  You need to learn to communicate better.  If you don't have communication then you don't have much of a marriage to begin with.  You must be able to tell your spouse how you're feeling.  So that you can work out your problems in the marriage.  You also must learn to be sensitive to each others needs.  

My point is that you both have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work.  And learn to be supportive to each others needs, not to try and get back at each other when you argue and fight.  Talk to him and see if you work things out.  At this point all you can do is take life one day at a time.