QuestionHELLO, I AM 30YRS OLD AND I WAS MARRIED ON AUG 25TH OF THIS YEAR. MY HUSBAND IS 33 AND WE HAVE REALLY BECOME DISTANT SINCE THE WEDDING. HE ALMOST SEEMS LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON. WE RARELY MAKE LOVE BECAUSE MY HEART FEELS SEPERATED FROM HIM. WE WERE SO MADLY IN LOVE AND SO CERTAIN ABOUT EACHOTHER, OR SO IT SEEMED. TODAY HE SAID HE "HE WASN'T SURE HE WANTED TO BE MARRIED ANYMORE". I WAS SO HURT TO HEAR THOSE WORDS. NOW HE'S TRYING TO SAY EVERYTHING TO BACKTRACK AND SAY HE WAS JUST MAD. AM I SAFE TO ASSUME HE REALLY DOES FEEL THIS WAY? HE SAYS HE LOVES ME BUT I FEEL LIKE HE COULD LEAVE ANY MINUTE, I FEEL LIKE HE HAS NO COMMITTMENT.
AnswerJenn:
Have either of you been married before?
It sounds like at least he may have been. My guess is that he is experiencing some early doubt, which is normal - especially if it this is not his first marriage.
My advice to you is to work on this relationship - save it. The two of you obviously had very strong feelings for each other when you married a few months ago. Rekindle those.
What things about him attracted you? What about you attracted him? Talk about those things with him. Plan to spend time together - go for a walk, dinner, etc.
Bottom line - you have to get this relationship back on track, soon. This is a time in your relationship when both of you are adjusting to married life - it is normal to have questions and concerns. Don't let the negativity get out of hand. What you both need now is positive reinforcement.
Another important step for you will be to associate with other married couples. In short, surround yourself with positive people, in positive environments, and do it together.
If you find yourself lacking progress, get to a professional counselor.
Please keep me posted and best wishes to you.
