QuestionHi!
I am a 30 year old woman involved in a serious relationship for about 3 years. There is one thing that prevents me from being as happy and free as I can be and that is my unnecessary jealousness of other women...fictional, non-fictional, dead, alive...it is crazy and I don't know what to do. If I am watching tv with my fiance and a woman is on with bared breasts, I start asking questions about my breasts...are they big enough, does he wish they were like hers...
Overall, it is like I am always wondering if I am better than the other person..and even if he will tell me I am I find it hard to believe and will still sometimes insist that the other is better...I might even start to cry or get angry. It is not fair to him and I want to stop this. It even got as bad as having a party with my friends around and one of my girlfriends was looking at him and smiling...can you just imagine what happened? Over that, she is not my friend any longer and it is just sad. I am in love with the man, he has never done anything to make me feel insecure about us (he only helps me through). I just wish I could take a simple walk down the street with him and not be looking at his eyes to see if they are wandering when in reality he is a person i should trust!! What is going on with me? Please help me live my life! And like I mentioned, it does not matter on the person. If he is on the computer and some pop up advertisement comes up with a mechanical girl with big boobs, I go crazy! Or if I ask his opinion about an actress and he might say she is a good actress or beautiful (it could even be Marilyn Monroe who is dead)...I automatically assume that means he doens't want me anymore because I am not good enough and I get a feeling as though I have just been rejected. It is awful.
Thank you for taking your time to help people like me in the world! :)
Laura
AnswerDear Laura,
First, let me say that your boyfriend is with you not someone else. With this being said there is something about you that he values, respects and finds physically attractive hence, 3 years. It comes down to you, valuing yourself, and it sounds like you are challenged in this area. As I am not an expert in psychology I do not have specific advice for you. I can recommend that you speak with a counselor about what you are feeling and I'm sure they can structure a path for you to follow so you may build your selfesteem and self worth. Everyone has their faults and assets- you need to learn ways to accept the faults and build on your assets. Use the strength and commitment you have your boyfriend as your spring board.
I hope this was helpful.
