QuestionDear Samantha, presently I am with a great guy with whom I have been friends for many years, but nothing more. I have frequently thought about how silly it is that I am not attracted to him, and not in love with him, because we are so good together otherwise. This summer I decided to take the step into a physical relationship with him as well, hoping I could fall in love along the way, that the apetite would come while eating... Unfortunately, that did not happen. I am now his girlfriend, but I am facing the sad fact that I am not able to fall in love with him. Worse, I am not physically attracted to him. But he is the greatest guy in the world! I have to add that I rarely fall in love, and when I do, it tends to be with "bad guys".. I don't know what to do. I am really losing a treasure if I let go of him. But I just cannot stand being with him physically. I am 40 years old now, and I am tired of silly relationships with bad guys, and tired of being alone. But these seem to be my alternatives. What do I do? Please help me, I am being torn apart! Sincerly yours, Pollyanna
AnswerHi Pollyanna~
Maybe you're idea of love isn't really love with these so called bad boys, maybe it's just lust, and you don't really know love b/c you haven't truly experienced it to begin with? Just a thought and theory I have on situations like yours. I can understand that you aren't sexually attracted to him as a mate or that you're even in love with him (b/c you're idea of love is convoluted at best). And when by my saying this please don't take offence to what I say, b/c I mean absolutely no disrespect to you at all. Isn't it better to be with someone that you can get along with, live your life as a companion and friend, than to be lonely and all by yourself or to be "in love" with a person that's so very wrong for you? You don't necessarily have to continue the sexual relationship with him. By the same token he needs to know how you feel/think about him, you owe it to him to be honest with him about your relationship. And even if you want to continue to be in one, once you've explained how you feel about this union. I hope this makes some sort of sense. The point here is that you're going to have to make a decision sooner or later as to whether you're content with this current relationship or if this is something that you just can't keep doing and living this way. Sure, it'll hurt him and be hard to do, but there are certain sacrifices we all must make in life. You have to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy, whatever ultimately that decision ends up being. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make. I hope this helps you some.
