QuestionI'm a newlywed of only three weeks and already my husband makes me feel that he loves his computer more than me. I refuse to compete with a computer. Every waking minute we're at home together he's always on the stupid computer. Yesterday I came home from work early. Of course I walk in and he's on his computer game, as usual (he's a cop and works night shift). I kissed his head while he played and told him I came home early because I missed him. He said something along the lines of "that's sweet", then went back to playing his game. So I stood there for a while as he played his game and ignored me. Then I got in the shower. When I got out I walked in naked to the livingroom where he was playing his game. I started rubbing his head and shoulders and he says, "hey there" with a smile. And that's all the attention I got. So I went into the bedroom and crawled in bed naked. He finaly came in about an hour later asking me what was wrong because I never crawl in bed in the middle of the day. I just wanted to scream at him, but instead I pretended like nothing was wrong.
We left that evening and when we came home I told him I was going to bed because it was after 11 and I had to work the next morning. He was off that night but is used to night shift so didn't want to go to sleep yet. So he asks, "Your going bed already?" I said "yes, I have to work tomorrow, but you can join me." He said, "No, I'm afraid I'll fall asleep." So I told him I'd stay up a while longer with him so we could go to bed together. I stayed up till almost 2 in the morning, knowing I had to be up at 5:30. I still went to bed alone. I will never do that again. I refuse to fight with a computer for my husband's attention. I shouldn't have to snap my fingers for him to look at me. The computer doesn't have to. If he wants World of Warcraft to be his true love he can have it. I'll go find something to occupy all my time and never pay attention to him, see how he likes that or even if he notices.
But I'm not the vindictive sort. I don't play the "You do this, then I'll do that" game. I just don't like conflict and don't have a clue how to approach it. I knew going in to this marriage how addicted he was to his computer games, but I really thought I'd be fine with it. I'm very busy. I have a full time job and am working on a Master's degree. I like my alone time too. But I also like to acknowledge that I have a brand new husband running around and I want to spend time with him. But it's like he couldn't care less that I'm around. He doesn't even notice me unless I make it a point for him to. You would think after being on a computer for 10 hours straight that he'd at least like to spend 5 minutes with his wife who he hasn't seen all day. Nope, not in the least bit interested.
He prefers quests and dragon slaying over sex with his new wife. How do I compete with a computer game!!! What do I do!!!
AnswerHi Jade~
His addiction to gaming is truly an addiction just like gambling is to a gambler and drinking is to an alcoholic. They can't seem to help themselves and thus they are very addicted and engrossed in their obsession. An obsession with something that is addictive can kill a relationship due to neglect, no affection, no acknowledging their spouse, etc. You need to address this with him and the sooner the better. You need to try and sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. It's stuff like this that destroys marriages. If you can get him to listen to you and to hear you out, then you might have a shot at getting him to pay more attention to you, so that you might do things together as a couple. He has to know that there is a time and a place to play games. You could suggest to him (and try) to set up certain times where he turns off the computer and starts spending quality time with you, just the two of you together, even if it's a half an hour or so per day. I don't think that's asking too much of him to love, care and support you and to let you know that he loves and values you as a person and most of all his wife. You need to come out with this and tell him how this really is getting to you. That it's almost become unbearable for you b/c you feel ignored and let down by him, in his choosing his games and computer over you. He truly must not know what he's really missing in you. You can't compete (nor should you feel like you have to) with a computer game b/c he's so absorbed in it. Talk to him and see if you can get through to him. He's going to end up ruining this relationship and marriage if he doesn't begin to realize what his gaming obsession is doing to you. He's putting your marriage in jeopardy and he may not even realize it. I hope this helps you some.
