QuestionAlthough we are not technically married, we've been together three years, and living together for just over one. Our lives are busy, and stressful, we're both trying to decide what to do with our careers and college ect. and I ate to admit it, but all the stress of the world is making the love fade. It's still there a lot, but I know when I give him hugs or kisses, it's just not the same. I only get that love feeling some of the time. I'm sure it's the same for him. We both had an argument last night - Him saying I'm cold to him, and me saying he's cold to me. I just don't understand. I nkow it's normal for love to fade a little bit, but sometimes I find myself thinking about leaving the relationship just to have that feeling of being in love again. He says that he's satisfied with me, but I just know that for him too affection has become mechanical half of the time. I know not all hope is lost. What can we do to keep the love alive, with the little time we have to spend on each other? Thanks a lot
AnswerHello Diana - first, let's deal with your belief that it is normal for love to fade a little bit. In the healthiest relationships, the opposite is true. Over time, we learn more about each - likes, dislikes, etc. We grow to understand, believe in, and love our significant other. So - please set your sights higher. Expect love to grow - not fade.
There are two things I think you need to do;
1. Focus on each other. Focus on the things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Talk about those things. Set a "date night" every week and go out of your way to make sure those happen. Maybe a Friday night. And it doesn't have to be an expensive dinner and a movie every week. Maybe just meet for a glass of wine or something. Just enough to give the two of you time to sit and talk.
2. If the two of you are serious about this relationship - get to a counselor. A good counselor can root out major issues and give you mechanisms to work on them in two or three sessions.
Give these a try and let me know how it goes. If we need to try a different approach, we can do that.
God bless,
David
