Navigating a Partner's Past: Co-Parenting & Building a Future

Question
My soon to be husband and I have been together for 3.5 years. He was married once before and has a child with his ex. She took off with some guy she met online and moved across the country for him, leaving the child behind. I have been raising him as my own for the past 3 years, and she has never been in our lives. Reciently she came back into the area and is staying with different friends = she has no place of her own. Now that she's arround she wasnts to spend time with "her son" which is good...maybe... the only problem is that every time she's with him she talks down about me and tells him I'm not his mom - don't call her mom - she's nothing to you... I don't know what to do! The little boy is almost 6 and knows no other mom than me and he's crushed by what she's telling him! How do I deal with this? I feel like it's a touchy subject and I don't know how to deal with it, how should i approach the subject with my husband to be? the ex? our son?

Answer
Hi Emily,

I have no respect for a woman like that who chooses to leave her baby to follow a man. Is the court involved in this matter??

You really need to be on the same page as your (future) husband. Sit down and have a heartfelt conversation about this. You need to be in agreement with whatever you decide and then support each other when dealing with his ex. This is crucial. Unity is important...a house divided against itself will fall.   Then you need to inform the ex of how it's going to done. Make sure you speak to her together.  If you have always been "mommy" to the child, then I think you should continue to be mommy to him. If she doesn't like it, too bad. You are the one that raised him. She is the one who left him. Tell him that you love him and that he can call you mommy. You can tell him that she gave birth to him and she is his mommy too, but you are the one who took care of him since he was little. Tell him that some people have 2 mommies...

 If she is badmouthing you, there isn't too much you can do about it. Some people are going to act this way and we don't have any control over their free will. I have known of people who took legal action over matters like this, so you may want to look into it.

 Pray for her. She really needs God right now so that He can help to change her attitude.

 Blessings,
Pastor Kim