QuestionQUESTION: Hello, I am living in Australia for 3 yrs now with my husband who is Australian and I am American. I didn't realize how much I would miss my family and 'home'. His family is not at all close and neither of us like his mother as she is very negative and wants to control everything. He has 2 teenage children from a previous marriage, but we rarely see them, and we have 2 young children together. I am the major financial contributor and now I feel trapped as all my money is tied up supporting his lifestyle. When I ask him to help me or tell him I am missing my family, he gets angry at me. I feel I am stuck in Australia with people(his family) who I never want to see and in the future I am going to regret that I was not with my family. He won't move close to my family as it is too cold for him. Am I just thinking the grass is greener on the other side or should I bite the bullet and just leave him?
ANSWER: Hi Diana~
You need to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what ultimately makes you happy. And being there in Australia doesn't seem to be one of them. That's the downside to having moved far away from your family, who can give you love and support when you need it the most. He's not close to his family, so he doesn't know what to do or how to react, and therefore he takes his anger out on you when you say you miss your family or anything of the like. You're right though you probably will regret moving that far and not seeing your family in the long run. But to answer your question, you have to do what you have to do in order to make you happy. You've sacrificed enough to move half a world away so that he could be in his home country and with/near his family. And this is the thanks you get in return from him. Talk about him being selfish. If that means you decide you have to leave him and divorce him and move back home, then so be it. If you do ultimately divorce him though, I think I'd move back home to the US and then file divorce papers, so that you can legally leave the country with them, and you won't have to be made by court order to stay there and/or leave the children there, and move home and you'll never seen them. Something to think about anyway. The US will grant you a divorce even if you've lived in another country, and it'd most likely go in your favor with custody, etc. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
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QUESTION: Thank you so much for your reply and the advice on filing for divorce in the US, if it comes to that. It makes me happy to think about moving home, but it also scares me. I do love my husband, we have spent 3 years and alot of money(mostly mine) setting up a life in Australia, I have a great job, and I do like the weather. His mother is a huge factor too, just the thought of her upsets me and I want to get away. Sometimes I think if his family was not so annoying I would not miss my family so much. I am almost 40 and feel like it would be so hard to start over again especially with the economic situation in the US. Do you think it just takes time to settle in or do you think I will always feel like this?
AnswerHi Diana~
I think if by now you haven't settled in, then you're not going to do so after 3 yrs (or however long you've been together). If you did decide to start over at 40, do it for you and for the right reasons. Don't feel like you have to just settle for things in life. Life is too short to begin with. As for his family issues, it's doesn't matter if you can't stand his whole family, if they're all dysfunctional or if they are the best, most loving family in the world and you loved and were close to them. It's important that you have your family too. And it makes everything all that much harder b/c you're so far away from them and you don't have them near like his family for the love, care and support that you get from family and friends. If that makes any sense whatsoever. The thing here is that you have to make some tough decisions here for yourself and what's in the best interest of you and most importantly your children. So, of course, I'm not saying just up and leave him and move back to the US. You have some major commitments there such as your job, your whole livelihood with your children being there and the list goes on and on. If you choose to leave or if you choose to stay do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Not choices out of obligation, settling or convenience. Besides it's never too late to start life over, it's the happiness that matters the most. You can have all the money in the world, but be poor in life. Life's riches are about who loves you and who's there to love and support you in the things you do in life. I'm sure whatever decision you ultimately decide to make will be what's best for you and your family. But to answer your question, no, I don't think you're feelings will ever change about this whole situation and how your husband's behaving, unless/until he decides to change his ways for the better. That's the only thing that could ever change your mind and make you want to stay with him for good reasons, not bad, etc.
