QuestionHi Bill
My husband and I are stuck in a rut. Married 9 years with a 5month old girl,
he has left our house. He suffers severe depression and when he has an
episode he leaves. He says it's our relationship that CAUSES his depression,
and I'm no psych but his whole view of the world comes from a depressed
way of thinking and I personally think that our relationship might not be
helping, but the depression is at the root of his unhappiness.
I am sick of him leaving whenever he can't cope. We then get into this battle
of guilt (on both sides) and then him coming back but each time our
relationship recovers less and less. For years we've been just housemates as
he won't let me near him physically. I've no idea how to break this cycle. I so
desperately want a "normal" life with a family, but we just don't seem to even
ever get close to functioning that way. There seems to be so much hurt and
pain on his side that he can't get over (and he beats himself up for being a
"bad" husband"). It's just exhausting and now we have a 5 month old (through
IVF) and I'm looking after her alone "waiting for his decision" about how he
feels. He says he doesn't love me but keeps coming back (hasn't yet this time)
and I feel like I'm being abused emotionally.
We've had counselling that gets us nowhere. He's seeing a psych sometimes
and one psych diagnosed him with BiPolar1, not sure if they're "right" but his
depression is immense. He talks and dreams of suicide.
I was once a happy person.
I'm torn. I know he's sick and wouldn't leave if he had cancer. But his sickness
is ruining my chances of any happiness and leaving me at risk of post natal
depression myself.
Please help!
ALISON
AnswerSounds affair-ish to me, where does he go when he leaves? Have you verified this/his location. There is medicine to combat his illnesses, is he taking it? I would lay down some rules for continuing, if there is no interest, then it's time to go.
Bill
