Navigating Inconsiderate Behavior in Relationships: Understanding and Solutions

Question
I think my husband is great. However, sometimes he does things that I feel are really inconsiderate. I do not think he does them on purpose, which is part of the problem. He just doesn't think. This Christmas, he said he wanted to buy his parents a big gift. It was pretty expensive so he asked his brother if he wanted to go in together. He agreed. Given that the holidays are tight, he used his PayPal account to buy the gift, since he usually has quite a bit of extra money in it. Anyway, so when he wraps the gift, he doesn't add my name. He just says it was from him and his brother. I asked him why he didn't add my name and he just joked that I didn't pay for it! He said that he was joking and he just didn't think about it, but it really hurt my feelings. He doesn't even see why I am mad. Another example is something he does a lot. He leaves for work about an hour before me and we go the same route. However, if their is traffic or or road is shut down, he doesn't even think to tell me. One I day I called after being stuck in traffic for two hours and he said that he got caught as well. I asked why he didn't let me know so that I could leave earlier and he said he didn't think about it. I informed him that in the future I would appreciate him letting me know. He said he understood. However, the last few times it has happened, he has waited until he got to work to let me know. It seems like he is making an effort right? The problems is, that is the time I usually get up, so him telling me then doesn't help me because it is already too late. Instead of calling me right when he sees traffic, he waits. I have since checked the traffic myself. But that is what makes me so angry. If he would just put a little effort, he could help me. Instead, I rely on myself. Am I over reacting?

Answer
Jennifer,
Marriage is about making life easier for the other person. He is not doing that. It seems there is some selfishness on his end that you and he are simply seeing as not paying attention. I tend to think that he needs to start stepping up a bit more. If he doesn't someone will come along that does treat you better and you may be tempted to talk to this other person a bit more or start to view this other person that treats you better as someone to start a deeper relationship with. I think you both should sit down and come up with a strategy to help him be a bit more focused on the relationship rather than himself.
David
www.help4life.net